


Cat's Cradle

by Leech



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Adultery, Cheating, M/M, Mental Disintegration, Mentions of sexual violence, Sexual Deviancy, Violence, Warnings May Change, asylum AU, eruri - Freeform, gratuitous sex in later chapters, mikeri - Freeform, triggering content in later chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-28
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-09 11:40:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3248354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leech/pseuds/Leech
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erwin is a successful, budding psychologist. Levi met him years ago in college and they were married not long after. Recently moved, Levi finds Erwin preoccupied with his job and is left to fill his time with other outlets. Living on-site, Mike—one of Erwin's most formidable patients—has become a familiar face, a breath of fresh air from the rocky status of Levi's marriage. Erwin says he's dangerous, but Levi can't bring himself to believe him. Besides the few quirks and outbursts, Mike is undoubtedly and unequivocally harmless. </p><p>Based off the movie Asylum.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dolor

**Author's Note:**

> do·lor  
> a state of great sorrow or distress

They hadn't talked last night. The bed had been very hot, their window kept open with the screen down in hopes of letting some air in. Levi hated it. The house could barely cool itself off; the walls sweated after it rained and Levi did his best to try and fight mildew. The fans slugged around as if dipped in molasses. Any breeze they did kick up was musty and thick. It was a miserable place, their new home, but Levi hadn't complained beyond a few sarcastic comments. Erwin chuckled at them and set it aside because Levi never verified them being serious. It made things difficult between them, made Levi uncomfortable and painted his view of Erwin oblivious.

Not that he was. Erwin was a doctor—though relatively young—and held in high regards. If he were oblivious, it was because he chose to be. The idea only made Levi more upset.

"Your breakfast is almost done," he heard from his left, Levi turning his head. Erwin was at the stove with an apron—one Levi particularly despised; it looked pathetic—flipping their eggs a few last times to make sure they weren't runny. Coincidentally, they liked a lot of their food cooked the same. "You wanted two, right?"

"I did. Though I should've taken cooking duty this morning."

"Hm?" Erwin looked over his shoulder. "It's nothing I can't handle. Why? Are you worried my suit will get dirty?" Levi gave an unamused stare at the comment, Erwin blatantly showing off the floppy, thin fabric. It barely covered anything. Erwin was too big.

"I just remember that the last time you went to work with grease on your tie you whined about smelling like sausage."

"I complained because it made me hungry all day," Erwin laughed, sitting down to his husband's right. Levi was almost pained watching the apron stretch to try and accommodate. But instead of arguing, he ate. Erwin would be late otherwise, being so easily distractible when challenged.

At least, he had been before meeting his new patient. Now Levi was lucky to get breakfast together. Erwin usually left early the mornings Levi slept in. He'd awaken to a cold bed, having been holding Erwin's pillow instead of his husband.

"You should go see the new beds they're planting near the cafeteria," Erwin spoke around a mouthful. Levi was quiet. He wasn't that big a fan of flowers, and despite telling his husband did the other carry on badgering. "They might need help."

There it was.

"You don't want me around the house all day." Blue eyes rested expectantly on Levi. It was irritating. He didn’t care if he were caught in the act of keeping Levi busy. "Fine. Not like I want to be in this cave, anyway."

"Just remember the bear comes back around one. He won't be happy if you're not home."

"By one do you mean two?"

"Don't dissect everything I say, Levi.” Erwin raised a finger with his free hand like a ruler. It was a joke that had anger bubbling near the back of Levi's throat. Erwin set his plate in the sink behind him. "If you were good at it, you'd realize I don't specify times when I could be late." Lips pressed to the top of his black hair, Erwin humming before releasing him.

"Remember to take the damn apron off," grunted Levi, settling his chin in his palm as he watched Erwin. He was gone in a minute, plodding down the sidewalk toward the northern side of the grounds. Levi looked down when he was finally out of sight. He wasn't very hungry, so he dumped the rest and made his way back upstairs for a shower.

Unlike Erwin, he had no job to attend to during the week. He cleaned, he organized, and sometimes found the interest to try and talk with some other workers around the asylum, but it was still pretty boring. Their cat, Stanley, had become his companion throughout the mornings and evenings, but even he seemed to have more things to do than Levi. He'd wander off after getting bored, and despite Levi picking him up and trying to convince him to stick around, Stanley slipped off. Now as he showered he could see the cat outside the glass door, licking the condensation off.

Erwin had given him to Levi as a present six years ago on Valentine's Day. They both loved him very dearly, but Levi liked to think Stanley preferred him to Erwin. He was his cat, anyway, and Levi spent more time doting.

Oddly enough, he was also fond of water, Stanley bobbing his head in and out of the shower through the crack he'd left. It was comforting to Levi. He needed the company. Even though he didn't speak up, when Erwin left it was miserably lonesome.

Stepping out, maneuvering himself away from the cat in order to keep from getting fur on him, Levi dried off his upper body.

"Manly," he cooed, scooping him up and ignoring his wet legs for now. He had all the time to dry off. Besides, he liked the feel of fur on his bare skin. Stanley was soft.

But eventually did he dry, dressing himself before leaving the house. Erwin always seemed to know when he'd decided to be lazy and stick around their house. Levi wasn't in the mood to argue about it, so he traipsed around a bit prior to making his way to the cafeteria. The patients were outside for the morning, dressed in white linens. They were bright pains across the lawn. Levi still wasn't used to it. Some looked friendly enough to speak to, but he never got the nerve. The horror stories and the scary movies still affected Levi, and even when he met some could he not forget they were insane. Erwin hated the word, forbid him to say it outside of their personal conversations. Just like the other doctors. They all were hypersensitive about their patients, worked together to keep anyone who wasn't onboard sufficiently muted.

Levi was one such person, or felt like one for the most part. While Erwin was his husband, his best friend, at times he was a stranger.

"Good morning!" a woman sang at him from the flowerbed to the left. It was loud; Levi's shoulders visibly jumped in response. "Good morning!"

"Good morning," he hesitantly answered. She wore white clothes like the others, the same film over her eyes. Her gloved hand waved at him jerkily, dirt falling onto her white clothes. Levi mimicked her as best he could. It was difficult walking near the cafeteria, despite Erwin's ease. He, unlike Levi, was used to this behavior. Levi found it unnerving, but eventually he had made it past the louder ones: the elderly man who always tried giving him candy he didn't have, the woman who thought he was the mailman constantly, and the sprinkled elderly that mistook him for their grandchild. They were all constant discomforts. Levi refused to label them annoyances because he knew it wasn't their fault.

"Hi, Levi," another voice—far more stable—brought him to look forward. Mike was tromping his way down the steps from the cafeteria, muscles evident. He was broad, with heavyset green eyes and a smooth, fresh haircut. He'd had it long before, but Levi noted the difference a few days ago. For whatever reason it had been cut short, the other hadn’t said, and Levi was alright with that.

Mike reached him in a few strides; Levi tried not to seem uneasy.

"I thought you had an appointment with Erwin?" Levi asked. Mike gave a shake of his head. A fire began at the back of Levi's throat. Why had Erwin left early, then? He knew his schedule; the only morning appointments were with Mike, unless Levi didn't really know anything at all.

"Something wrong?" Mike's voice brought him to look back up, give the blond a glance out the side of his eyes. Levi said he was fine and Mike didn't contest to delve deeper. In fact, he didn't seem to think it necessary at all. Apparently, he already knew. "Erwin swapped me out with an afternoon session." The smaller man took to focusing on the flowers nearby. Levi didn't want to give anymore away. "Want to get coffee?"

"Yes.” Coffee would help clear his head. Talking with Mike, too, was something of a hobby now. Erwin had told him never to leave himself alone with a patient, but Mike was safe enough. In fact, Levi didn't think he belonged in any confinements. He seemed—normal, so to speak; grounded compared to the others around him.

"I can go to the Coffee Bean near the church," Mike began in an even voice, though there was a haughty air to it.

"Behaved yourself long enough?"

"Mhm. They said the fight that happened last week wasn't my fault. Idiots." Levi wasn't sure if he were talking about the workers or the patients. In a deeper recess of his mind, he didn't care to know. They both fit into the category.

His stomach retaliated by winding itself in a knot. Levi felt he should feel more empathetic toward the patients. They didn’t do anything wrong. None of it was their fault.

The Bean was well kept and painted in pastels. The windows had potted plants that matched the rest of the grounds. Erwin had brought him a few afternoons for lunch when they'd had the time. Levi liked it well enough. There was a doctor stationed inside, as all other buildings built on site. They checked Mike before letting them sit; Levi was used to the wait and he didn't mind.

He used Erwin's card to get them both lunch, considering Mike wasn't allowed access to money. Erwin said their families were paying for the stay alongside donations, but Levi wondered about the patients' bank accounts more often than not.

"You always eat that," Mike spoke up, sipping at his coffee. It was black. He was on a regulated diet and creamer wasn't allowed. Nor was sugar, but he always slipped one packet of Sweet'n Low in.

"It's not like we're at a five star restaurant," Levi grumbled around his mouthful of sandwich. The blond across the table chuckled, tearing the crust off his bread diligently. Levi noticed his need to keep it looking all white, the bread. He didn't mention it. It was probably a habit.

"Just wondering why you like lettuce and chicken so much. You're paying on Erwin's card. Have a little fun for once."

It was Levi's turn to scoff.

"Believe it or not," the raven began, licking his thumb of stray mayonnaise, "Erwin and I aren't sitting on a pile of gold."

"I thought doctors shitted money out." A small grin tugged at Levi's mouth. It seemed only Mike could amuse him like this. Erwin and he hadn't been in the position to joke around for some time.

"I wish they did."

"Maybe then this dump would get more employees."

While mainly running off private lenders and donations, the facility wasn't able to attract much attention where they were stationed. The nearest city was thirty minutes away. Not that it was unreasonable. The landscape around the asylum was gorgeous. It was warm in the summer and nippy in the winter, neither sweltering nor freezing. Flowers were able to grow year round. It was beautiful. That fact was part of the reason Levi had agreed to move here. Erwin probably would've had a lot more trouble convincing him otherwise. Only problem was the spring showers, which on their own weren't bad. Kept the grass green, but humidity was heavy.

It was a shame their house never managed to match the comfortable temperature outside of it, instead trapping their heat, as if built to suffocate. Levi correlated himself to a frog being boiled.

Mike made another crack at his taste in sandwiches before they finished. Levi appreciated his lax personality. Erwin was so high strung. Levi just needed a break for once, a joke for once, and Mike brought that without charge or prompting.

"I'll see you on Thursday?" Mike asked as he trailed down a branching sidewalk, hands in bleached pockets. Levi nodded. The blond gave a grin before turning to leave.

* * *

Erwin's breath was hot on his neck, tongue lapping wet stripes across his bruised, red-pocked collarbone. The touches settled sugar in Levi's trembling bones. He hadn't planned for them to have sex. It just happened. They were still men, and Erwin was one carrying a heavy load of stress. Levi, too, liked to think he was in a similar position, but he tried to humble himself. Erwin was the one saving lives. Levi was the one that stayed home with the cat.

"Erwin," he breathed out after a rough kiss, Erwin trying to recapture his mouth before Levi could properly dodge. The blond instead mouthed at the underside of his jaw. "Erwin, the fucking cat—"

"Forget the cat."

"He's on the damn bed." Erwin tried to ignore his husband's complaints. "We're going to squish him." A strong arm moved to sweep the sheets on the left, Stanley letting out a sharp meow of surprise. The cat scuttled to reposition on Erwin's pillow. Said man gave a groan of annoyance.

"I'm going to skin him," he spoke against the edge of Levi's mouth. But he seemed to give up the idea, sliding his hands beneath Levi's shoulders and pushing him up against the headboard. The smaller gave a shuddered exhale and allowed his husband to stretch him out, open him up and look his body over with greedy eyes. A hot mouth scoured the rivers between his abs. Erwin let out a thick purr against Levi's flat hip.

"Hurry up," whined Levi gruffly, only receiving strong hands on either side of his body. They gripped him hard, almost bruising, and sloppily flipped Levi on his stomach.

"Come on," Erwin begged into the hot skin of his back, biting at his shoulder blade when it stretched. He sounded like a hungry dog, Levi tartly thought. "I haven't gotten this in forever."

"It's been a week, you ass."

" _Forever_ ," Erwin repeated in a dramatic sigh. "It's _forever_ for me. I want you like this _all_ the time— _every_ day—" A pale hand hit his nose in an effort to shut him up. The blond retaliated by nipping at his husband's fingers, drawing a soft noise out of Levi that seemed to warm Erwin's groin. "Don't tell me you haven't missed this."

Levi looked over his shoulder a moment. He wished their cat were closer so he could toss him at Erwin. The blond took the lapse of silence as agreement. His chest rumbled with a laugh.

“See?” Levi didn’t fight the knee pushing between his pale thighs to spread them apart. “You missed me.” The voice was teasing, but somehow did it leave a sour taste in Levi’s mouth. He went rigid, Erwin noticing the change immediately. Lips that once scoured the dip of his backside were now near Levi’s ear. “Babe?”

He was quiet. Erwin moved to lie beside him, curl about him like a coiled snake and bring Levi closer to his front.

“Lee?”

“I’m,” Levi started, gunmetal eyes refusing to meet Erwin’s, “not really in the mood tonight.” It was like a switch had been pulled. His husband turned soft and pliant, large hands rubbing up his back to massage his muscles. It hurt. It physically pained Levi, and he wasn’t sure why. But for the sake of ambiguity, the smaller said nothing and allowed his husband to cradle him.

“I’m sorry, babe,” Erwin apologized.

Levi gave a soft hum. It was all he could manage.

* * *

“I used to have dogs,” said Mike. “Two bloodhounds and a corgi.” They’d been settled on the church’s shoal for the afternoon. The rain was soft, but just enough to turn into an excuse to laze around. Levi held the lip of his cup under his nose so he could smell at his tea. He’d offered to let Mike try some, but the blond had shaken his head with pursed lips. “We had to put one down after it bit the neighbor. I liked the corgi. Her name was Cookie.”

Levi made a soft snort. “That’s so overused.” He could see Mike smile in the corner of his vision.

“I like the name Cookie. What’s your cat’s name?”

“Stanley.”

Mike laughed. “That’s a human name. Did Erwin pick it?”

“I did,” Levi bit out, though it was all for fun. The blond ran a hand over his head, fingers settling on his chin. “Erwin gave him to me, so I got to choose. It fits him.”

“Does he wear a suit and a tie?”

Levi would have replied if not for the sudden call of his name, head turning to look down the sidewalk. Erwin stood with his umbrella, shoes glossy with some water. For a moment, Levi’s mind shot blanks. Mike sat as relaxed as could be, rocking his chair forward with his elbows on the wood railing. Erwin’s eyes were all confusion and clustered anger, the strong definition of his jaw clenching and flexing. It looked as if he were trying to gnaw through them both.

“I was looking for you,” he said thickly. Levi watched his blue gaze fixate on Mike. “Your supervisor needs you.” The man got up without a word, seemingly unbothered by the rain. Levi watched him skirt himself down the sidewalk and behind the dogwoods. For the sake of saving himself from trouble, Levi kept his eyes on the trees, admiring the soft petals that littered the ground. “Levi.” It was an order. There was no point in making Erwin any angrier than he already was. The man turned, nursing his tea and staring at his husband’s chest.

Instead of anger, there was exasperation when he met the blond’s mien. The deep creases in his forehead spoke heavily of his worry, the edges of his mouth quirked down. His brow was low and his eyes were syrupy, and Levi felt responsible. Erwin moved to walk up the church steps, set himself beside Levi where Mike had once been. They stayed like that, Levi’s gaze cast down and unmoving. The raven almost jumped when a warm hand clasped over his thigh.

“I know you’re not a child,” Erwin started. “I know you heard me when I said he’s dangerous.”

“I did.”

“Levi, please.” Said man looked out over the lawn, cup resting on his other leg. “You can’t put yourself in that position. You don’t know what he’s capable of.”

“You don’t tell me what he’s capable of.”

Erwin’s face twisted uncomfortably. “I don’t want to scare you.”

“Erwin, honestly.”

“You don’t know what these people can do, and I want to keep it that way.” Levi’s glare was tart, pale lips drawn thin. “It’s in your best interest, baby. Please trust me. You know I don’t keep secrets from you.”

Levi opened his mouth, but he didn’t speak. There was nothing he thought to say. Erwin’s lips were on his temple, the man having stood up to reach him. He could feel the other’s face bury into his sable hair.

“I love you, Levi. I’m only ever wanting what’s best for you.” Levi didn’t have the evidence to go against him, so instead did he turn to kiss him back. The sound of the rain filled his head like warm cotton.

* * *

Levi had forgotten to shut the window to their room before leaving. He’d thought it second nature by now; there was no need to worry about forgetting. Sticky globs of fur clung to the undersides of his arms. It was hot and made him sick to his stomach.

“Levi, baby.” Erwin had come an hour earlier when he’d heard. Levi hadn’t responded to him then and he still wasn’t now. “I’m right here, baby.”

The grass was still wet from the rain the night before and it was on both their pants. Levi vaguely thought to tell Erwin he should stand because his suit was getting dirty. His fingers were knotted into orange hair—now stained a dahlia red—and they felt frozen. He couldn’t let go. Fat tears caught on the collar of his shirt and Erwin’s hands were brushing at his cheeks to try and stem them somehow.

“Levi, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He didn’t care if he were sorry. ‘Empathy,’ his husband would say. Levi couldn’t bring himself to pretend he was paying attention. He was still confused as to how Stanley had slipped out. He’d taken his shower, watered the plants, and dusted right before leaving. He must have shut the window sometime between waking up and meeting Erwin. He had to have shut it. He never forgot.

His silence didn’t stop Erwin’s litany. “It’s going to be alright. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere, Levi.” He allowed himself to be held, but his hands still fisted into Stanley’s matted pelt. “You need to come inside, baby. Please let go.”

Their room was hot that night with more than just humidity. They hadn’t hugged so long in months and somehow he still felt alone.


	2. Inapt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> iˈnapt  
> not suitable or appropriate in the circumstances

Levi didn't like how far away the nearest town was. It made shopping a hassle. The grocery store offered to those working at the asylum was hardly anything to clap about. Apparently, doctors don't have time to eat much besides sandwich meat and cup ramen. No restaurants either, so the occasional date nights were rare.

He stared quietly outside the car window, holding Erwin's hand over the median between their seats. His husband always asked to, said it made driving better. Levi never argued. A part of him craved the touch too much, yet it angered him all the same.

"You'll like this restaurant," Erwin spoke up. "They have chips and salsa."

"Good," Levi agreed. He'd always had a taste for spicy and salty. Erwin wasn't able to handle it, but the blond never complained. He was a good sport. Levi ran his thumb over tan knuckles. He could see Erwin smile in the corner of his vision.

"We haven't been on a date like this since when? March?"

"February," Levi corrected. "Valentine's."

Erwin nodded. "Now I remember." Blue eyes rolled to glance over at him, Levi meeting his gaze. The blond smirked. It didn't take long for Levi to huff out a breath and return to staring outside.

"You're such a dog."

"Don't tell me you forgot."

It was Levi's turn to grin. "I'd never forget your orgasm face." The blond made a breathy laugh, lifting Levi's hand to his lips so he could kiss over his wedding ring. The gesture was laced with ginger adoration. Levi's response was stony. His shoulders stiffened.

"And I'd never forget yours."

"You're the pervert. Not me."

"Well," Erwin began with gusto, "I wasn't the one to bring home whipped cream." There was a moment of silence, blue eyes rolling to catch Levi's reaction.

"I wasn't the one who spread it." Erwin sniggered and raised his hand to rub across his prominent jaw. Levi had seen the scruff growing, his husband rushing about in the mornings and forgetting to shave off and on. Not that it was surprising how fast his beard came in. Erwin's jokes about becoming a bear weren't far off the mark.

The restaurant was one of the last standing restaurants in town. The others were scattered diners with nothing to boast. It was still better than the asylum. Anything was better than there. Erwin chose a booth near the window because he knew it was Levi's favorite. It was kind of him, considering his long legs settled on either side of Levi's own beneath the table. Sipping at his water, the raven felt his husband bop against his knee. Erwin offered a playful grin.

“So,” the blond said, leaning casually over his side of the table and fishing into their chips. Levi wasn’t nearly as eloquent. He was sure he’d already downed ten. Though he wasn’t eating now, looking toward his husband whilst licking up salsa from his lower lip. There was a pregnant pause, Levi having imagined the other to continue on.

“Oh,” he murmured. Erwin huffed pleasantly, one of those aged noises he used to make when they’d been dating. It still warmed Levi. “What? What’s the question?”

“I was just talking. I mean we haven’t been out in a while.” Blue eyes swerved down on the table, scrutinizing every detail they could find. Levi followed his stare for a second before returning to Erwin’s face. “I know I’ve been busy lately. We haven’t had much time together, just the two of us.” If Erwin thought he was making some grand, heartwarming speech, Levi wouldn’t amuse him. The news was old hat. But he waited it out, stuffed himself with chips while his husband found the words he wanted. He was always like that: too precise, too nitpicky. The blond would make comments about his being lax, how ‘easy it must be to not care.’ Whether they had been passive aggressive at the time was beyond Levi. After a while, he presumed Erwin was not going to tack anything on.

“It isn’t like I have much to talk about. I cleaned the bathroom yesterday and got reminded that my husband is a slob.” Erwin smiled, tilted his chin down and let his eyes scrunch with a chortle. Levi’s stomach dropped into his heels. He almost worried it may take him right out of his chair.

This was nice. This was the man he’d married way back when, and Levi felt the muscles in his back relax after however long he’d been playing statue.

“I haven’t gotten any better?”

Levi arched a brow. “You left your razor on the counter in a puddle.”

“But I _did_ rinse it.”

“Oh, please.”

Conversation came easily. It was like they were young again, dating and infatuated and incapable of anything but sweet talk. A part of Levi wanted to drown in the feeling, but there was hesitation. He’d hurt Erwin already. The blond hadn’t shown it. He didn’t have to. Levi knew him well enough to see the creases in his brow. At night, Erwin would hug him tighter, as if he’d slip away without a tether. Levi was thankful he was so forgiving. He didn’t deserve someone like Erwin.

They kissed in the parking lot after dinner. Levi enjoyed the spiciness on his husband’s lips.

* * *

He hadn't seen Mike since Erwin found out about them talking. As much as Levi didn't like it, he missed him. It was even more lonesome about the house than before. He slept on the couch more often than not; being alone was excruciating. With Stanley gone, there was no one. The house didn't even creak to keep him company.

Erwin had told him it was fine to grieve; it was healthy to cry when he felt it coming. Levi didn't agree. He hated crying. Even now did his hands work over his cheeks, trying to stem the tears. His chest hiccupped and a stone blocked his throat. Levi wished it would go away on its own like everything else did. The couch's fabric turned dark in blotches, cream becoming soft almond. He _hated_ crying. He hated this place. He hated Erwin for leaving him and he hated himself for staying silent.

Levi choked on a breath, shoulders heaving and body curling in on itself.

No, he didn't hate Erwin. He needed him. When his husband was gone, so was he. Erwin tore a hole wherever he walked and Levi drowned in the gap.

"Lee?"

The man jerked, bloodshot eyes rolling in their sockets. Erwin was nearby, hand settled on the arm of the couch as worried eyes studied Levi. His face was dim, mouth curled down at the edges as if wounded. Levi didn't say anything.

His husband moved to gently sit beside him. His weight was noticeable, the smaller slumping a bit to the right. Arms wrapped about Levi's shoulders. He didn't fight it. Erwin had seen him cry enough before. He was the only one allowed to see him so vulnerable.

It stayed that way for a bit, Erwin rocking him and nosing at his sable hair. His cologne was sharp and Levi enjoyed smelling it.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I came back as soon as I could.”

Levi’s lips thinned. “You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to. I didn’t want you here alone.” His husband’s explanation cracked bolts in Levi’s chest, a sudden spark of melancholy flickering in the hollows of his eyes. Had he always felt that way? Erwin hadn’t hinted toward that before. “I know you miss Stanley—“

“Don’t,” Levi cut in, desperate. He didn’t want to talk about that. Not now.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Erwin paused, kissed the crown of his head and guided him into his lap. The smaller didn’t protest. Levi burrowed into his husband’s broad chest. “Are you hungry? I picked up some soup for you at the grocery store. I got the peppers you like, too.”

“I’m not hungry.” His stomach hurt too much and his throat felt too tight. “I want a shower.” Erwin lifted him up in a heartbeat and moved them upstairs. Levi let the blond bathe with him, allowed strong arms to bring him close. The intimacy was a welcomed change, but he knew it wouldn’t last.

* * *

Levi woke to banging outside the house. Erwin was already gone and he was alone in their bed, sheets tangled loose around his hips. Gunmetal eyes closed before the hammering started again. He cursed. There wasn’t supposed to be construction anytime soon. Levi couldn’t imagine why there would be in the first place. The wooden floor was hot under his feet as he stalked toward the window. The noise was coming from the greenhouse outside. The floor had rotted last year and Erwin had said it was going to be torn down. Levi could see white clothes. Someone was working inside.

It didn’t matter much to him, of course. An annoyance, but that was all it came to. Erwin would probably use it as another reason to get him out of the house. Levi fixed himself a shower before eating a bowl of cereal, the hammering continuing all the while. The raven pursed his lips. It was going to drive him insane if he stayed for the afternoon. Begrudgingly did he decide to go for a walk. There was a trail rounding the outer edges of the grounds and Levi preferred its solitude.

“Levi.” Said man turned, hands still locking the front door behind him. Mike was coming from the side of the house, sawdust on his arms and thighs. For a moment, Levi didn’t say anything. Erwin wouldn’t have allowed the other so close to him. He couldn’t have been assigned to work on the greenhouse.

“Mike?”

“I didn’t know this was your house,” the other began, brushing off as he came closer. Levi’s hands found their way into his pockets. Mike didn’t seem to mind his off-putting stance.

“I was just going for a walk.”

The blond offered a small grin. “You’ll burn up by noon. Come on, I’ll show you what I’m working on.” The smaller didn’t move to follow immediately. Erwin would kill him if he found him alone with Mike again. It would worry him half to death.

“No, I’m fine. I need the fresh air.” There was an evident pause, Mike’s brow furrowing a tad. Levi swallowed. “I’ll see it some other time.” He stiffly turned, cutting across the grass and making his way down the sidewalk. Mike didn’t say anything to stop him.

* * *

“I saw Levi with Mike a few weeks ago.” Erwin sipped at his soda, flipping through the files spread out across his desk. Nile sat nearby with his legs crossed loosely. He watched the blond, but Erwin didn’t answer. “You should keep him farther away, you know.”

“I already talked to him,” Erwin said. “He knows to stay away.” The room was quiet other than the sound of papers sliding.

Nile dug into his pocket. “I wonder why Levi’s so interested in him.”

“He’s not.”

“He is. They meet up a few times during the week.” Erwin looked up, hands stopping in their work. His friend seemed to give him a moment to soak in the news.

“Isn’t it obvious? You should give him something to do so he doesn’t wander so much.”

“He isn’t a child.”

“Well, he’s acting like one; sneaking off under your nose.” Tan hands clenched harder around his files, Erwin biting his tongue before he snapped. Nile didn’t notice. He pulled out a cigarette.

“Don’t smoke in here.” The black-haired man took it back out of his mouth, made a sour face.  

“I didn’t know it’d upset you so much.”

“I’m not upset,” Erwin countered. “I’m tired.” Nile only offered him a quiet stare. It was piercing. Erwin felt vulnerable beneath it. “I told Levi I’d be back by four. Don’t bother him. I’ve got it under control.” That being said, Erwin scooped the files into his bag and left. He could smell Nile’s cigarette halfway down the hall.

* * *

The breeze was warm on his cheeks, licking his hair about. The greenhouse was coming along, Mike working on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Erwin had been quiet for the past week and Levi could only guess he was frustrated. Levi had done his part, though. Mike hadn't approached him after being brushed off. Whatever was on Erwin’s mind shouldn’t involve him.

Mike was on the floorboards, sanding them as his muscles strained against his white shirt. Levi swallowed thickly before knocking on the doorframe. He perked immediately, violently, green eyes like snapdragons. The raven tensed. He'd never seen Mike look so angry.

"Levi?" The blond's voice was surprisingly smooth. The frustration was draining soft from his mouth. Levi was thankful he wasn't mad at him.

"So, you're working on this for how long?" The raven stepped inside, walking around Mike and looking up. The roof had been torn off, only the skeleton left. Shadows ribbed across them. Mike stood and clapped his hands, shaking them out.

"Not sure. Does Erwin know you're out here?"

The back of Levi's neck grew hot. "He's out." The other nodded. He moved about despite Levi, grabbing more squares of sandpaper and continuing to smooth the floor. It was painfully quiet. Levi wasn't sure what to say. "I'm sorry about the other day, you know."

"Don't mention it," the blond reassured. "I know Erwin's a helicopter husband."

"He's just scared. He treats me like a kid."

Levi heard a soft laugh. The other sat up and gave him a smirk.

"He's insecure enough as it is. I saw Arlert showing him up the other day in the cafeteria." Thin lips pursing, Levi didn't know what to say. He was aware of Erwin being ostracized. The other doctors had been working at Wilson's for years and somehow they thought it daunting. To Erwin, it seemed all too intimidating. Levi couldn't understand his discomfort, but it didn't make it any less real.

"I never liked him."

"I didn't know you knew him. He's a tight ass," snorted Mike. "He's the one that made me buzz my head."

"It's growing back out."

"Not my point." Levi made a breathy laugh and moved closer to see the wood Mike was smoothing down.

“Looks boring.”

The blond snorted. “Because it is. You should help me out.” Levi gave it a moment of thought. It didn’t seem all that bad. Erwin was gone for the next hour or so and it would be a great stress reliever. Grabbing a square, he got on his knees next to Mike. The motion was something he was used to. Cleaning and dusting felt the same. Lately he hadn’t found the energy to tidy the house up; sanding the floor felt like slipping into old clothes.

“What else do you have to do?”

“Well,” Mike started, “I should be nailing some more boards, but I got tired. This is easier.”

“I could do that.”

The blond sent an incredulous look. “You sure?”

“You’ve been talking to Erwin too much.” Levi rose to find the hammer. The nails were dull, the hammer small and hard to grip. “They let you carry this around?”

“I know. I’m lucky.” He was. Erwin had said that patients weren’t allowed any sort of weapon. Some living in the east ward were, but the numbers were slim. If he remembered correctly, Mike belonged in the south ward. It was the smallest, saved for those patients least trusted. Levi still couldn’t understand why they had placed Mike there.

They lapsed into silence, Levi hammering the thin boards together while Mike sanded down the floor. It didn’t take long for the smaller to get frustrated. The nails were crooked. The head of the hammer slid off onto his finger as it came down. Levi sucked in a sharp breath, nail jutting out of the board sideways.

“You alright?”

“Yea,” Levi hissed. “Yea, fucking nails aren’t worth shit.” He could hear Mike moving. Large hands turned him around, the blond looking down at his finger. It would be a disgusting shade of purple by tomorrow, already reddening beneath his fingernail.

Levi grit his teeth when Mike raised it closer to his face. “You really smashed it, didn’t you?”

“Erwin’s going to—“

His voice trailed off shakily when warm lips wrapped around his finger. His eyes bulged. Mike was quiet, tonguing the underside of his thumb warmly. For a moment, it was still. Levi couldn’t register what was happening, meeting emerald eyes as the blond glanced up. His mouth detached itself, the raven sliding his hand back out of Mike’s grip. Immediately was he wiping it hard across the front of his shirt. The movements were stiff, his mind still fumbling.

“Better?” Mike hummed. Levi met his gaze, but said nothing. He turned hard on his heel, taking long strides out of the greenhouse. Levi could hear Mike chuckling to himself. “I’ll see you later, Levi.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've aged Armin up for this fic. He's a few years older than Erwin and works alongside him in the south ward. I'm unsure if I'm going to do the same for anyone else.


	3. Vacillation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> vac·il·la·tion  
> unable to take a stand; repeatedly changing your opinions or desires

Spring came and went, the leaves turning to flames and shivering in the fall breeze. Levi hadn't spoken to Mike in a month or so, but the blond still worked outside the house. Sometimes, Levi would watch him, but he never approached. The incident before had turned his stomach inside out. Erwin would be heartbroken to know Mike was moving on him and Levi wasn't stopping it. As much as he didn't feel close to his husband, he still adored him with everything he had. Erwin was his; they belonged to each other. Even now did he keep himself far from the window in hopes of forgetting Mike. Erwin had bought him a new coat for the fall and it dangled off the doorknob to the hallway. It was a deep tan, fitted with high pockets. Levi liked it. His husband knew he enjoyed burrowing his hands into his clothes; they always got so cold. Erwin held them in his own at night to keep Levi's fingers warm.

Erwin was downstairs by the stove, cracking eggs into a bowl and stirring them. "Morning, babe," he said without turning. "I cleaned up the bathroom after I finished for you."

Levi settled himself at the table and refused to grin.

"I know. I'm impressed." The brunet took a bite out of his toast, licking butter off his upper lip. "You did pretty good."

"Pretty good?" Erwin whined. Levi cracked, lips quirking at the sides. He couldn't help it when Erwin reverted to being a ridiculous puppy of a man.

"In translation," the brunet answered, taking another bite of toast, "with your standards, it's perfect."

That was enough for Erwin, a smile breaking across his face as he turned back to their eggs. Levi continued to eat his toast and fiddle with his wet hair. It was quiet, but a better silence than before. Erwin was unaware of Levi's mess with Mike, and Levi planned to keep it that way. It was an unnecessary burden on the other's shoulders. He'd felt the blond tossing at night, rolling on his side of the bed and yanking the sheets around him in a vice. Levi hadn't asked what was wrong. A part of him didn't want to know, scared it may have to do with their marriage.

Not that he was so selfish as to think they were the centerfold of Erwin's life—even if Levi wished they were instead of work. It was probably a patient. He knew there were suicide threats that popped up from time to time, and like every counselor did Erwin worry for the safety of his patients.

But still did he pine for Erwin's attention. It was all he ever wanted now. Levi felt more alone than ever before.

"Nile told me they're adopting out kittens down the road a ways," Erwin spoke up from the stove. Levi's thumb traced the rim of his mug. They hadn't talked about Stanley in months. He had wanted it to stay that way. "Do you want to drive over with me?"

For a moment, he didn't answer Erwin. The blond turned to him once his eggs were done.

"Babe," his husband prodded, voice soft and concerned. "It's alright. I won't bring it up again if it upsets you."

"It's fine," Levi assured. "I'm fine. We can go look after you get off." He made sure to soften his face and look certain of himself. Erwin smiled, nodded and happily agreed. Maybe a new pet would help keep him occupied.

Levi picked at his eggs until Erwin left, trying to erase Stanley from his mind.

* * *

Stepping out of Erwin's car, Levi felt the gravel beneath his shoes. It was always loud. Even down at the house could you hardly walk anywhere quietly. Erwin was ahead of him, crouching almost comically over the cardboard box left near the mailbox. It was colored with markers, childish handwriting spelling out 'kitees' across the front. Levi could barely make out the tiny depictions of cats crawling across the bottom in an uneven line.

"Where's the owner?"

"Probably inside," Erwin said, looking down the drive toward the house. There was a man stepping out, a sudden squeal causing Levi's shoulders hop. Two girls followed outside, faces red and eyes swollen. They were crying frantically. It made Levi's stomach hurt. Erwin seemed to ignore it, smiling as the owner introduced himself.

"There's a lot left," the man encouraged. Levi moved to crouch beside the box. The kittens were crawling over each other to reach him, blue eyes wide as they mewed. He somehow refused the urge to grin.

Erwin settled alongside him. "They're cute."

"I guess," he mumbled. He could see the owner scratching the back of his neck, obviously uncomfortable about his girls still weeping up the driveway. Levi scooped into the box after rolling up his sleeve. The familiar feel of plush fur skimmed beneath his fingertips. The kittens were warm, bellies full and soft. He could feel them scrub themselves against his fingernails.

"We'd love you to take one," the owner said, Erwin raising his head at the sound of trotting. Levi, too, looked up to see the girls rushing at them. Their voices were almost hoarse from howling, screaming and grabbing at their father's leg. It was difficult to watch. Levi stood up as the man ushered them back inside, apologizing. His daughters bawled the entire way back. Levi eyed the kittens for a minute.

"I don't really want one," he admitted. Erwin didn't try to protest, instead rubbing a hand against his back. The drive home was painfully silent, neither him nor Erwin attempting to make conversation. Levi thought about the girls for the rest of the day. He found it hard to fall asleep.

* * *

“Am I hurting you?” Erwin’s voice was thick and smoky, breathing ash over Levi’s neck as his hands grappled a small ribcage. The brunet sucked in a lungful of air.

“No.”

The sound of Erwin's hips snapping forward made Levi shudder. His body was molten, sweat catching in the cantle of his back as the sheets began to fold. They hadn't fucked like this in so long, both of them desperate and shameless. It was around four in the afternoon, and Erwin had come home looking about ready to spring. Levi hadn’t fought him. He hadn’t fought the idea at all. They didn’t get times like this anymore. Not really, at least. One of them was always tired, or busy, or not in the mood. So now, with Erwin a raging mess and himself following close behind, it was perfect.

For the first time in what felt like months did Levi feel acknowledged. Perhaps for the wrong reason, and perhaps for less than selfless interest, but Erwin was here with him. They were together without any noticeable restraint. Levi whimpered when his husband’s cock carved deep, the pressure against his prostate causing his teeth to chatter.

“Erwin! Fuck—“ A moan tumbled out from the depths of his throat that had Erwin chewing his bottom lip. The blond was red-faced, smooth skin slick with sweat and spit from where Levi had kissed him. Another shout tore from his chest, pale toes curling.

“There?”

“ _There_!”

A cat-like grin broke Erwin’s demeanor. His hands found Levi’s hips, dragged him up into his lap where he could fuck him deeper. Levi spluttered, voice cracking and eyes watering. He couldn’t think straight. His head was a mess of jumbled, warm cotton, mouth gaping open as he tried catching a full breath. Erwin’s thrusts forced the wind back out of his lungs, pumping into him with enough force to rock the bed. His movements were desperate; Levi could see he’d missed this as much as any man would.

“You’re so tight,” Erwin gasped, finding temporary shelter in the niche of Levi’s throat. There, he mouthed wetly, groaned and huffed out lewd compliments. They wouldn’t be compliments if not for the situation. “Like the first time.”

The brunet tossed his head back to open more of his neck. Teeth dug into his skin, Erwin growling and punishing the flesh with sharp nips. At the time, Levi didn’t care about marks. It made his cock jump to think of someone noticing Erwin’s dominance. His thoughts bleached, fingers digging into his husband’s shoulders as he cried out. He was close. Precum drooled from his tip and wetted their stomachs.

“Cum,” Erwin demanded, and it was enough to bring Levi over.

* * *

“You’re looking antsy,” Erwin asked. Mike sat across from his desk, ankle resting on his thigh. He hadn’t spoken much for the past few visits. It was becoming a nuisance for Erwin; he couldn’t do his job if the other didn’t cooperate. “I hear they moved you to another project. Construction?”

“Does it bother you knowing that?” It was the doctor’s turn to grow quiet. In truth, it was. Erwin had been angry with the blond’s supervisor, told him that giving him more freedom was a mistake. But Mike had passed every inspection for the last month. The fight had been a misunderstanding; Erwin himself had stood in Mike’s defense, and now he regretted it.

Mike grinned into the void Erwin’s silence made. The doctor chose to ignore it.

“Did your supervisor make that decision?”

“No,” Mike answered. “The Dean did. Said I deserved some leniency for my good behavior. You said yourself I was doing better.”

“Not deserving of a hammer and nails, no. I’ll talk with him.” Green eyes narrowed, Erwin keeping his gaze equally as strong. It wasn’t debatable. Mike didn’t have the mental stability to have weapons at hand without supervision. Even with someone watching him, Mike was a big man. Most other workers were scared of him. Erwin was tall and wide enough to prove at least a hassle for the brute.

“I don’t have anything else to say,” Mike said. Erwin glanced down at his paper, underlined something Mike appeared to be curious about.

“Then you can go back to working. I’ll see you next Wednesday.”

Mike didn’t hesitate to stand and make his way toward the door. Erwin opened his mouth to ask a question, but the door was shut before he could voice anything. 

* * *

The stairs needed to be polished, so he polished them. The smell of wood cleaner filled his lungs up to the brink. Levi liked it. The chemicals were comforting. Erwin would be gone longer than usual at a meeting, and he thought it best to get things fixed. He hadn't cleaned in a while. The man was beginning to feel overwhelmed with the dirt and dust—which seemed to be invisible to Erwin. His husband was forever ignorant, forgetting to turn the lights off, keep the door closed, to clean the sink out after shaving. It was all gross and stressful, but Levi didn't find the heart to tell him. Somehow, it felt good being angry for something blatant. The brunet didn't have to wonder if he were being overdramatic.

Splotches of soft cream dotted the stairs in stretched galaxies, Levi wiping them down after giving it a moment to settle. Erwin would be happy to see the dust gone. It always made his allergies act up—just like Stanley had. Now that he thought on it, the blond had been far less congested.

He heard the door open from downstairs. Levi sat back, tried to see through the banister beside him. Erwin shouldn’t be back yet. He still had an hour left. Not that it mattered; Levi got up to meet him in the kitchen.

“I thought it was going to last longer,” the man spoke up before turning the corner. Erwin wasn’t there. Instead, Mike was by the sink, drinking out of a used mug that had been left on the counter. Levi couldn’t find the time to move. His legs locked in surprise. They hadn’t spoken in a month or two.

“I was wondering if that was you cleaning,” the blond said over his shoulder. He twisted and leaned his hip against the countertop. It was Erwin’s mug in his hand, Levi noted.

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing? I was thirsty.” Mike didn’t seem at all concerned. In fact, he appeared relaxed, as if Levi had invited him in. “How’s Erwin?”

“Get out,” ordered Levi. There was something about the situation that rubbed him wrong. The last time he’d seen Mike, they’d made a mistake. Now, with him in their home, Levi wasn’t sure what would happen. “You’re not supposed to be in here.”

Mike moved with thunder, slamming the mug down and making his way around the table toward him. The brunet visibly tensed, but he didn’t flounder. Levi assured himself that he’d be fine.

“Why are you ignoring me?” It was a command, not a question.

“I said, get out.”

“Are you scared of me?” Mike’s green eyes tapered, towering over Levi with a broad grimace. “Has Erwin finally gotten to you? Or have you been grounded this entire time?”

“This has nothing to do with my husband,” spat Levi. Erwin didn’t belong in this conversation. The brunet didn’t want to be labeled as weak, as submissive. Mike saw through it.

“He’s controlling you like a child. Why are you letting him?”

“Erwin—“

“Listen to me,” Mike barked, Levi’s face darkening in response. There was silence that lapsed between them, the blond simply standing there. Levi was about to speak before Mike voiced a gruff, “I missed you.”

There wasn’t anything he could think to say. It was honest—more honest than Levi was used to. Erwin hadn’t said anything of the sort in months, maybe a year now. It touched a sensitive nerve, and he was unable to speak. Mike was quiet for him. It was as if he realized Levi needed time to soak it in. The anger that had previously filled his face was washed out and replaced with gloom. It hurt Levi to some degree.

Had he truly missed him? Mike had never come off as emotional, much lest soft like this. But here they were, the blond glancing between gunmetal eyes in search of some answer.

“I just missed you, Levi,” Mike repeated in a smoother tone. Strong arms drew Levi in, the heavy stench of sawdust and gardenia coating his lungs. He smelled nice, nicer than Erwin, and Levi hugged him back.

"I missed you, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise things will speed up in the next few chapters. Laying the groundwork always stinks. Hopefully, with the semester ending, I'll get the next chapter up quicker this time around. I apologize for the wait.


	4. Appetency

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ap·pe·ten·cy  
> a longing or desire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Sexual deviancy/perversity

Levi visited him once or twice a week now. Mike was more talkative, more engaging, and had certainly found an interest in touching his back. Erwin was distant as ever, though he did try to soothe the gap between them. He bought Levi flowers, the kind that smelled strongly enough to fill the room with freshness. He bought him new clothes, new sheets, things that Levi had always enjoyed. But it was a band-aid on a broken bone; Erwin and he were no closer than they were the weeks before. Somehow, it didn’t upset him as much as it had before.

It was colder, leaves crunching beneath Mike’s heavy feet as they walked to the greenhouse. The south and west walls were finally constructed, the skeletal mass taking on form.

“There was a dog that lived next door to me when I was a kid,” Mike said. “She’d bark at me when I went to school. I hated her.”

“I don’t like big dogs much,” Levi agreed with a subtle frown. Kenny had always kept them around when he was younger.

Mike snorted. “Yea, well, the bitch took a chomp out of my hide one time.”

“Did they put her down?”

“Yup. She’s in hell now, dragging her furry ass across the devil’s carpet.”

Levi smiled to himself. Erwin would never say anything like that. He was too professional. But this was what he liked—to joke around and relax. Mike glanced to him from over his shoulder. Levi could see he was grinning, too. They worked for a while beside each other, sanding the floorboards and cutting. Levi enjoyed the work, and it gave him a sense of confidence that Erwin wasn’t breathing down the back of his neck.

“I’ve been thinking about what it’d be like to go camping.” The brunet looked toward Mike as he spoke up. “Like, in the mountains. I want to eventually.” It wasn’t a possibility. They both realized that. No way in hell was anyone going to allow Mike off the grounds without constant supervision.

“I don’t like camping,” grumbled Levi. “Too much dirt.” The woods were a disgusting place. Neither Erwin nor he enjoyed getting soiled and gritty. “Besides, they wouldn’t let you.”

“I know. Still.” There was an air of want to Mike’s voice that Levi had never heard. It almost sounded heartfelt, the desire to leave the asylum. A bone in Levi’s body hurt at the thought. Being cooped up wasn’t so strange a feeling to him, and Levi felt he could relate to the other in a way. They were both trapped, incapable of doing what they pleased. In that moment, Levi felt almost kindred to Mike, and the sense of companionship flooded his chest like warm cotton. The frisson didn’t last long though. Eventually his head became filled with the sound of hammers and sandpaper. The thought of leaving the asylum was back to a childish want.

“How’s Erwin?”

“Don’t you see him?”

“He’s been in meetings recently,” Mike answered. “I’ve been having appointments with another doctor.” Levi was quiet. He hadn’t known Erwin was speaking to his boss. He hadn’t realized anything was wrong—if something was wrong.

“Do you know why?”

The blond gave a crude snort. “Trying to convince them I don’t deserve this job. He says I’m too dangerous.”

“As always,” Levi grunted. There was a hard slap to his shoulder, and he didn’t bother checking. Mike had grown relaxed about physical contact. He grabbed Levi’s shoulder to get his attention, patted him—sometimes stood behind him a bit too closely.  But Levi thought nothing of it. In fact, the attention felt well deserved. His own husband didn’t touch him as much as Mike did.

“He’s having a spat with Nile I think.”

Levi silently bristled. “Nile?” As far as he’d known, Erwin and Nile were friends—close friends. Even with the small arguments Levi had overheard, it was reasonable. People fought; it was only natural. “What’s he got to do with anything?”

“Nile was in charge of me before Erwin came.”

It had been a year or so since moving. Erwin had never mentioned Mike’s previous counselor, and Levi hadn’t imagined there to be a problem—much less that problem being Nile.

“Do you think I’m dangerous?”

Levi chewed the inside of his mouth. “No.”

“Good,” was all the other said, focusing back on his hands as they scraped down another board. Levi didn’t understand why he bothered to ask. They’d been comfortable for months now, the two of them. They were friends.

“So you’d go camping with me?”

“No.”

“Come on,” Mike chortled. “You’d like it. Erwin wouldn’t have to come. We could have privacy.”

“Stop.” It was the first serious answer he’d given, voice stern, low, a warning. Mike grew hushed. “Stop talking like that, as if we’re fucking.” There had been numerous comments that had crossed the moral lines in Levi’s mind. He was still devoted to Erwin. Hell, his entire life was set on that man, on following him without looking back. Erwin was his husband. Erwin was his best friend.

Mike had given off a pungent odor of flirtatiousness ever since they’d gotten closer. Levi wasn’t so daft as to let it go unnoticed. It was almost odd how Mike operated himself. Ever since he’d fucking _sucked_ his finger—ever since then Levi had guarded that part of himself. It was a tiny, insignificant portion of his personality dedicated only to Erwin, and it was easy enough to tuck away when Mike came sniffing for it.

But it didn’t sway his attempts. Mike almost seemed to find his defensiveness amusing, grinning that shit-eating smirk, snorting to himself. Oddly enough, Levi didn’t feel at all bothered by that. It was a game by now. Mike sought to set those traps off, and Levi would lie in wait for him.

“I bet you haven’t gotten it in a while, have you?”

“Why would you give a shit?”

“You should know that the only sort of sexual release I have here is the white-clad pair of tits that sit in group therapy with me.” Levi frowned. The blond had always talked grossly of women, never referred to them as much beyond a piece of ass. He’d never been one to speak down to women. Levi saw no reason to. But Mike had an obvious chip on his shoulder, big enough to fend Levi off even if he did try to break it down—which he didn’t. He had better things to do then tend to Mike’s personal plights. That was Erwin’s job.

“I’m not fucking you,” Levi deadpanned. He could hear Mike move.

“You didn’t seem to mind it when I kissed your thumb,” the man breathed against Levi’s earlobe. It made the hairs on the back of his neck stand, stomach plummeting an inch. Levi thrust his shoulder up to knock him off. Mike laughed. The low rumble settled in the base of Levi’s spine, sparked the nerves down to the tips of his fingers.

“Eat shit.”

“I like a dirty mouth. Never would’ve guessed Erwin would too.”

“Do you want me to help with this or not, prick?” It was growing old fast. Levi was feeling uncomfortable and agitated, especially now that Erwin was dragged back up out of the murk.

“Fine, fine,” the other agreed, standing back up and moving to his side. Levi watched him go over his shoulder. He could almost feel Mike’s breath still lingering, cooing against the side of his neck and temple, down his jaw line.

“Would be nicer if we were camping.”

“Shut up, Mike.” 

* * *

Nile was never one to fret. He was always coolly held, stance strong, shoulders back, looking like a wall. Erwin was nearly unsettled by the sight of him hurrying down the hall. It was a silent rush, his hand still firm on his arm where he’d torn him out of his office.

“Nile, if you’d at least tell me what’s happening—“

“You need to see it for yourself.” Erwin furrowed his brow. Whatever it was had better be important. Levi was waiting at home, alone as always. He’d promised to be there by five. But Nile wouldn’t have any of it. Now was he stepping into the other’s office, finally given his arm back and left to stand in the doorway. “This,” Nile exclaimed, huffing out like an angered bull. “ _These_ , Erwin.” A file was slapped onto the desk, some papers sliding out the edges. Erwin only took a second to take one out.

Charcoal. Charcoal sketches of legs, arms, a messy eye lingering in the left top-most corner. It was smeared with large fingerprints, nothing near being called talent. The sketches were wild and smeared and dark. It took Erwin a moment to even untangled the mess mentally and put reason to the shapes.

“What is this?”

“Mike drew these. He’s been making them for months now in his room. I only just realized what they were.”

Erwin glanced back over the crude drawing of a thigh. “Legs?”

“And arms. And breasts. And _faces_.” Nile’s hand snapped forward to flip through the other pages. Erwin counted thirteen before another sketch was forced into his hand. “Do you have any idea what kind of perverted fantasy this is?”

“It’s,” Erwin started, turning the sheet over to see more dirty outlines of women, “unsettling, to say the least.” None of them were defined enough to put a name to. He’d met most of the women that worked with Mike, and none of the drawings seemed to match them. “This is just sexual frustration. You know about Laura.”

“You want to know what he drew when I asked him about Laura?” Nile asked. Another vanilla folder was pulled out and opened. The drawing inside was defined, detailed. Erwin grimaced.

“Her genitals?”

“Only that. Nothing else. Every time,” Nile started, flipping through pages on each syllable, “he drew a picture of this. Those are different. Mike never gave more thought to Laura. Whoever this is—whoever he’s drawing, he has a constant visual stimulation. I’ve spoken with all the nurses and I can’t figure it out. I want you to look into it. I’m speaking with the others after this.”

“We don’t need an entire search party,” Erwin corrected. Nile seemed to bristle at his calm response. He pursed his lips. “We’ll find whoever he’s drawing and separate them. Don’t work yourself into a rut.” There was the devilish temptation to say he’d warned of this, to beat Nile down into a place Erwin thought he deserved. He’d known Mike would mess up. It was habit for him and yet to be unbroken. But instead was he gathering the pages into their folder, nestling it beneath his arm before heading toward the door. “I’ll look over them tonight, see if I can make anything of it.”

Nile nodded to him before he left, face twisted up anxiously. “Thanks, Erwin.”

* * *

Erwin hadn’t gotten back till thirty minutes after five, but Levi didn’t bring it up. The other was quick to apologize at the door, not even over the threshold just yet. Nile had grabbed him at the last moment, said he’d had to talk. Levi could only imagine what about. They ate, spoke some, turned on the news if only to make less silence between them. Erwin had excused himself to look over new paperwork in his office, and Levi hadn’t heard a single peep out of him. While a quiet man, his husband usually tapped and moved about.

The couch was comfortable enough to snooze on in the meantime. Even if they weren’t exactly on the same page, they both were too stubborn to forfeit the bed. Levi couldn’t admit defeat and he presumed Erwin couldn’t fit comfortably on the couch.

“You’re still awake?” Erwin’s voice prompted him to rise, soft eyes looking down at him from where Erwin hovered overhead. “I would’ve thought you’d been asleep.”

“Did you want me to go to sleep before you?” Levi asked. There was a moment of silence before the blond shook his head.

“No,” he admitted. “I would’ve felt bad either way.”

“Don’t. It’s a stupid thing to worry over.” It still confused him to no end whenever Erwin brought up trivial matters. If he wanted to sleep, he’d go to sleep. It didn’t matter what Erwin thought about it—not in this situation, maybe. A moment of thought made Levi realize he probably would have felt bad too if given the same dilemma.

His husband was already heading upstairs, stopping halfway to look toward him. “Have you showered?”

“Yes, but you haven’t. You smell like shit.”

“Really?” Erwin asked, not bothering to be offended. “I wasn’t even around much shit today. I need to shave, though.”

“Yea,” Levi agreed. It wasn’t all that bad, but it scratched his skin at night and made him dream of spiders and bugs. He’d changed the sheets three times last week to try and fend off the images, only to deduce it to be Erwin’s beard’s doing.

While Erwin cleaned up, Levi undressed by the door. It was getting to be cold enough at night to demand snuggling of all things, but Erwin was like a furnace. Levi enjoyed not having to wear clothes throughout the year—most of the time. Even Erwin got cold sooner or later. Stepping back downstairs to grab a glass from the kitchen, he found himself near Erwin’s office. The door was open, papers on his desk. From the angle, Levi expected them to be drawings. Whatever they were doing there was beyond him, and he didn’t wait to step inside and have a look.

The folder had Mike’s name on the front in small font. It made him grimace; he shouldn’t be looking at this. Then again, it wasn’t even paperwork. Sketches scattered edge to edge over the desk, lopsided chicken scratch he couldn’t make out one way or another. In one position they looked like trees, and another they became feet. Legs, he realized, cut up into basic shapes and outlines. He could make out a thigh and eyes, toes lining the bottom of one sheet, and the teasing, half-erased attempt at breasts.

It was disgusting. It was unusual. It sent shivers rattling through him like tinfoil on a tooth. Levi tried to imagine Mike making them, tried to think of what he’d been struggling to convey at the time. All he could see were body parts, tens of them, dark and smeared and horrible. He managed to swallow the lump that’d formed near the back of his throat.

The sound of the shower turning off caused him to drop the picture he’d been holding. Turning on his heel, Levi hurried back out to the kitchen to get water. He drank two cups so fast he felt nauseated. It was imprinted in his mind. Before he could properly get another cupful, Erwin was coming down the stairs.

“Levi?”

“I was thirsty,” he called back. “I’ll be there in a sec.” The footsteps faded upward again, Levi left in heavy silence. The house’s creaks were the only noise besides the dull throb in his ears. The shoulder Mike had spoken over felt dirty. All the times they’d talked of sex, of women, of Mike’s wife, it had all been disgustingly explained. Levi had ignored it as best he could, but it was impossible now.

He forced another few sips before his stomach revolted. He avoided Erwin’s office on his way back to bed. 

* * *

Somehow he managed to slip out without waking Levi. Erwin felt tempted to brush his hair back and love on him, but Nile had already left three voicemails overnight. Stepping downstairs, making sure to miss the ones that creaked, he decidedly skipped the messages and called instead. Whatever was so important should be talked about.

Nile didn’t answer, and Erwin felt annoyed he’d been bothered at all. He knew the other always had his phone with him. If he was going to be getting up so damn early it had better be for a good reason. He made his coffee, heated up leftovers, somehow managed to find the time to watch the news, but his phone never rang. Glancing at the oven, Erwin noted it was near four. His face screwed up into confusion. He could have been asleep with Levi right now if not for Nile’s unnecessary franticness. Erwin could only presume the messages were pertaining to Mike, going a step further to imagine them all pointless rambling. There was nothing to be found after one night. The issue would take time and Mike’s help combined.

Another ten minutes passed and he debated heading back up. If he was going to wait, he might as well wait in bed. Before he could refill his coffee, knuckles rattled against the door.

“Erwin,” Nile breathed out, halfway inside. The blond could hardly turn himself fully to scowl.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Nile stood there, jaw agape and face flushed. Behind him was the bouncing glare of flashlights combing over the yard. Erwin turned to glance outside, leaning over the sink to see further.

“It’s Mike.” Erwin’s vision tunneled in on Nile at the name. The man gave a weak shake of his head, confused, exhausted. “He’s gone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize endlessly for the wait. I've been having a lot of issues lately in my personal life. Luckily I could get this chapter done and move things along. Thank you so much for being patient! Comments are always appreciated.


	5. Impuissant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im·pu·is·sant  
> lacking strength; feeble; weak.

Erwin wasn’t sure how long he’d been standing there. His face felt odd, and he knew Nile must have been witnessing some odd combustion of emotions attempting to slip out.

“He’s gone?”

“Yes, he’s gone.” Nile turned, twisting his head back around before he made it off the porch. “Keep Levi inside.”

Erwin listened to the thud of feet fading on the grass. The glare of flashlights was still across the yard, strung together like baubles in knots of two or three. The sound of someone on the stairs brought Erwin to move.

“What’s wrong?” Levi tried to ask, brow cocking when his husband shut the door and locked it. “What’s going on?”

Erwin pursed his lips. In the pit of his gut, he didn’t want to explain. Levi would be angry. He couldn’t unsettle him that way. Erwin had already watched him toss and turn just the night before as if haunted. But at the same time, Levi deserved the truth. He deserved to know exactly what had happened.

Erwin tugged the other against his front. “They can’t find one of the patients. Nile told us to stay inside.”

Levi hummed, hands loosely hooking around Erwin’s waist. “Which patient?”

It was a question the blond dreaded.

“Does it really matter? A patient is a patient,” he exhaled. Erwin moved back, bare feet padding the floor toward the stairs. “It’s fine. They have a party looking. You’re probably tired.” His husband was still by the front door, arms crossed and gaze focused out the kitchen window. For a moment, Erwin worried the man would play hardball. He didn’t. Levi followed his path languidly, climbed the stairs without another word. Erwin knew him well enough to see he’d put two and two together. Even if he’d become mute, Levi would’ve figured things out on his own somehow. Returning to their room, Erwin slid back into the dip on his side of the mattress. Levi eventually joined him after washing his hands. He was warm against his side, callous hand intertwining with Erwin’s.

“I’m not a dipshit.” There was an encroaching silence. Erwin’s eyes stayed shut, Levi’s nails scratching at his knuckles to get at his attention. “Stop treating me like a fucking child."

“You wouldn’t do the same?” 

Levi glowered. “I don’t sugarcoat. Tell me how he got out.”

Erwin took in a steadying breath. Despite his effort, eventually he caved.

“Nile didn’t tell me any details.” He glanced at his husband, saw the look of muddled distress crossing his face. Erwin couldn't think of when he’d grown to fear Mike, but it seemed apparent now. He wouldn’t admit it, but he feared Mike too. “It’ll be fine. We’ll find him before tomorrow, probably.” Levi looked pensive about something, but he said nothing. Erwin waited. Nothing came. Instead, his husband rolled onto his back and closed his eyes. Erwin took it as a sign to stop. If Levi needed time to process things, he’d give it to him. Erwin didn't sleep for more than thirty minutes, bloodshot eyes peeling open around an hour later. Levi was quiet beside him, staring at the ceiling. Erwin imagined it’d been pointless to even bother going back to bed.

“Are you hungry?”

“No,” Levi answered.

Erwin sighed through his nose. “Me neither.” He paused, counted the eyes he saw in their wooden walls. He could hear the distant shouts outside from the search parties, Erwin vaguely wondering why he hadn’t joined them. His tired mind made enough excuses to have his eyes closing again, but his sleep was restless. Even when he reached out to take his husband’s hand, Levi wasn’t there to catch him.

* * *

They'd given up sleeping after a while, decided to sit downstairs and stare at the wall in silence. When Nile came by, Erwin didn't hesitate to let him in. The invitation of conversation was too tempting for him to ignore, it seemed. Cold wind licked at Levi's cheeks as the door opened, Erwin ushering his friend to their table.

“I’ve been out all fuckin’ night,” Nile sighed, ran his hands over his face. Levi looked to Erwin. He wasn’t sure how to deal with the Nile; they never spoke, and if they did it was the other somehow nagging him. Nile was Erwin’s friend, anyway. He didn’t have reason to talk at all. Erwin was getting him a cup of coffee faster than Levi could tell his husband to sit.

“I know,” he answered Nile. “I’m sorry. I should’ve been looking last night with you.”

Nile stopped nursing at his coffee, hurriedly shaking his head and saying, “No,” around his a mouthful. Levi frowned. He hated it when he could hear people swallowing. “You two are too close to be looking for him. We aren’t sure if Levi’s even safe.”

“Huh?” Even Levi didn’t believe his own feigned confusion, the lowness of his voice brought on by a restless, sleepless night. There was no surprise hearing Mike could be looking for him. Hell, Levi was almost sure he was. They trusted each other enough; Mike didn’t have anyone else to go to. Nile side-eyed him from his seat, obviously unsure how to put it into words. Erwin, however, swooped in from the corner of Levi’s vision. He’d almost forgotten his husband was there with how quiet he’d been. The blond nodded to Nile, gave him the go to explain things. Levi tried not to snort at the stupidity of their secretiveness. It was painful retaining how intimately he knew Mike by now.

“We’re aware of you two’s interactions over the past year. Mike doesn’t talk with anyone else in his therapy group, so you’re the only person he may reach out to.” Nile sipped at his mug, jaw working hesitantly. “We don’t want any contact to be made, so it’s best we keep you both out of the situation.”

“Are we going to stay here?”

“No. I actually came to tell you that. Pixis wants you and Levi gone by tonight. We’ll be in touch with how the search is coming along. I won’t forget to call you.”

Levi scratched his finger on the top of the table, looking between Nile and his husband. He wasn’t going to speak yet. Later maybe, when things were calmer, but not now. Erwin was fretting over every detail, and Levi could easily catch the way his hands combed through his hair repeatedly. It calmed him down. Levi could relate with his cleaning rituals. He wasn’t going to make him any more worried. Uncrossing his legs, Levi scooted his chair back in preparation to move upstairs. He’d pack for his husband if he needed to, though his sympathy was surprising even to him. Erwin turned when Levi announced he was heading up, promising he’d be close behind. Nile hurried to finish his coffee while Levi left the kitchen.

He packed, even when Erwin showed up ten minutes later to help. Levi knew he could organize better, grunting, “Take a shower,” and folding a shirt over his left thigh. The man didn’t argue. He tore his shirt off immediately and disappeared into their bathroom. Levi heard the shower running moments later. He finished his suitcase before moving onto Erwin’s, taking whatever could fit. Mike was undoubtedly long gone by this time. He was smarter than people gave him credit for. All his talk of camping should’ve given Levi the notion weeks before, but it still took him by surprise. Mike was off somewhere unattended with whatever mental illnesses he harbored. Luckily the asylum was isolated, but Levi had to wonder what would happen if Mike were to make it elsewhere. Steamboat wasn’t more than a couple hours east. If he were to hitch a ride, there was no telling how far he could run. The thought made Levi’s insides twist.

“Lee?” Erwin’s voice caught him off guard, the man's shoulders hopping toward his ears. His husband stood damp in the bathroom doorway, a weak smile tugging his lips. “Didn’t mean to scare you. What were you thinking about?” Erwin knew him too damn well sometimes. Levi thoughtfully rubbed his palms over the tops of his thighs, looked to their suitcases before fiddling with a zipper. Erwin caught wind of his discomfort. He settled beside Levi on the floor, towel wrapped around his waist. “Lee?” he prodded again, this time gently rubbing the other’s arm. Levi didn’t shake him off, instead leaning over to rest against his husband’s shoulder.

“I’m just tired. I didn’t sleep well last night.”

“Me neither,” Erwin grumbled. Levi felt him rest his head on his, the blond’s skin still hot and damp. Glancing down, Levi could see the water running between the cracks in the wood paneling beneath Erwin.

“You should put some clothes on. You’re getting the floor wet.”

A pair of lips pressed to his forehead before Levi could properly look up at him. “I know,” purred Erwin into his hairline. That being said, he returned to drying himself off while Levi finished zipping up their bags. It was unsaid how long they'd be gone, but he packed whatever he could squeeze. They could always swing by his uncle’s house if they were desperate for a washing machine. The thought of Kenny made his throat hurt. If Erwin’s parents lived closer, Levi would choose them over Kenny any day. But they didn’t, and Erwin wasn’t on good terms with his younger siblings as far as he knew. Levi swallowed down whatever disruptive thoughts his uncle’s name brought up before hauling the two suitcases downstairs. Nile was still at the table, right hand wrapped around Erwin’s mug, other rubbing back and forth through his dark hair. It was uncomfortable to say the least, them both being in the same room together. Nile had never liked him much.

“Do you need more coffee?”

Nile eyed him from his seat. “No, thank you.” Levi was relieved he didn’t. Turning to head back upstairs, Nile called after him in an uncertain voice. “Levi? Wait a sec, will you?”

The man glanced over his shoulder, didn’t move from his perch on the third step. “What?” He watched Nile fumble in silence, lips pursing and brows knitting together in deep thought. He hoped it was nothing connected to Mike. Everyone seemed far too aware of their friendship, and Levi wondered if Erwin had shared it.

“Well,” started Nile, only to trail off as he cleared his throat. “Never mind. Tell Erwin I’ll call him later for me?”

Levi nodded. “Will do.” Whatever the other had planned to say, he pussied out too soon, and Levi was fine with it. The less conversation between them, the better. Trotting upstairs, Erwin was up and dressing himself.

“Did Nile say something?”

“Said he’ll call you later. He’s going back out.”

Erwin accepted the information without responding, pulling his shirt over his head before grabbing a coat out of their closet. “Here, it’s cold outside today.” Levi noticed it was the jacket Erwin had bought him. 

“Almost forgot I had that.”

His husband gave a small chuckle. “I guess I should think of a better gift next time, then.”

Levi shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. We should get going.” He wasn’t in the mood to get soft with him. Erwin’s gifts always warmed a certain part of his chest that had slept dormant for a while now. Seeing the jacket made Levi uncomfortably touched. Somehow, Mike’s leaving had set a temporary truce between them, but Levi didn’t expect it to last long.

* * *

They drove for an hour down to Bardwell, a pathetic little place Erwin had brought him once or twice before. By that time, Levi was complaining about being hungry, so they ate at the first diner they could spot. It was dirty, Levi picking where he placed his feet carefully. Erwin, however, seemed in his element, and when they sat down he felt the blond’s hand on his thigh.

“Is it the stress?”

Levi snorted, brushed his hand off his leg. “No, I just hate this place.” The waitress gave him a sour look, cocking a thinly drawn eyebrow at the both of them. Levi hadn’t realized she’d been there. While Erwin ordered for him, his phone buzzed in his back pocket. A text message from Kenny. Levi promptly shoved his phone away without checking it. If his mother needed something, she’d call him directly. Kenny was probably wanting someone to hassle.

But throughout breakfast, the man wouldn’t let up. Erwin looked up and asked if there was a problem.

“My uncle’s being his usual self.” Blue eyes looked uncertain for a moment, but Erwin seemed to swallow whatever questions he might’ve had concerning Kenny. Levi knew his family was still a sort of enigma to his husband. Being the son of a prostitute wasn’t something he spoke of, especially since he respected his mother dearly. Levi couldn’t handle the thought of Erwin thinking poorly of her—or anyone thinking poorly of her.

Biting his toast, Erwin muffled out, “Uncle?” before chewing. Levi frowned in disgust at both Kenny and the food in Erwin's mouth.

“Kenny. My mom’s older brother.” Erwin recognized the name, nodded and gave a thumbs up. Levi couldn’t help feeling fond of his goofiness. Memories of their old relationship attempted to sprout, but he cut them down before they blossomed.

“When do you think we’ll be able to head back?”

“Not tomorrow, if that’s what you’re asking,” answered Erwin. Levi frowned and looked down at his plate. Kenny lived in Steamboat, just far enough away to make travel a hassle. If he ended up needing something, Levi wasn't sure how he’d manage. Erwin was stressed enough as it was. He hid it well, but there were signs. His hands gripped the steering wheel too tightly, and he bounced his leg to keep himself from jittering. Erwin was good at hiding his emotions, but he wasn’t perfect. A part of Levi felt pride knowing he could see through some of the man’s masks.

His phone vibrated again. Erwin looked at him expectantly. But even as Levi blatantly ignored the prompts, he said nothing to push him.

“I was going to ask,” began Erwin, wiping a napkin over his mouth and keeping his eyes down on the table, “if you’d be okay with me working in the hotel room tonight. It’d help Nile a lot if I could do something for them.”

He meant the pictures, Levi knew, those awful sketches of Mike’s. “I saw them,” he all but blurted. “The drawings. I saw them on your desk already.” Why he was willing to put their newfound peace at risk was beyond him. Erwin would be angry, would call him childish for hiding. Levi swallowed hard, but the man across the table appeared relaxed.

“I see.”

“I know I shouldn’t’ve, alright? I’m sorry.”

Erwin tapped his foot over Levi’s beneath the table. “It’s nothing to be sorry for. It’s—” The blond sighed, brushed his hair flat, combed it with his fingers as he searched for words. “It’s my fault I didn’t tell you in the first place.”

There was an overwhelming sense of freedom that ushered from his admittance. Levi couldn’t put a finger on it, but there was a bone somewhere in his body that felt lighter than it had in months. A pale hand moved to cover Erwin’s, thumb tracing his knuckles. But his husband refused to meet his gaze, eyes downcast like a punished child. Levi squeezed his fingers to get his attention.

“I didn’t want you to think I was a failure.”

Levi sat up, taken back. “What?” He’d never caught onto that notion. He’d been ashamed this entire time? That’s what had caused all of the secretiveness?

Erwin repeated himself in a low voice. It was evident he didn’t like admitting it out loud, and Levi couldn’t say he enjoyed hearing it. Seeing his husband broken down—it left his stomach in knots, especially when he got into these guilt trips.

“What the hell made you think you were a failure?” Levi asked with a bit of bite, though his anger wasn’t directed at Erwin. He wanted whatever personal demons were flagging him down to be sent off. He wanted to see his husband confident, not soggy and deflated like a beaten dog. Somehow, Levi felt his hand had done the hitting.

The waitress came back before Erwin spoke, and he asked for the check after clearing his throat. Levi worried he was retreating. What psychologist avoided his problems? But the blond shook his head, uttered a soft, “Later,” before handing his credit card to the waitress. He didn't want to talk here in front of everyone. Levi presumed he felt too vulnerable, and accepted his request. He’d leave it till they could talk again.

The car ride was quiet the rest of the way, Erwin keeping his free hand to himself instead of holding his over the median. Levi eyed him from his seat, but left him be. He could tell his husband was thinking deep over something, and it’d do neither of them good to bug him. They reached Steamboat just before it got dark, Levi keeping a dogtrot behind Erwin as his husband cut through the snow . The hotel was warm, seemingly clean, a plate of cookies sitting sentry beside the front door. Levi rolled his eyes as Erwin made a beeline for them.

Once in their room, Erwin was all but rushing to get his briefcase open. Levi sat on the bed and watched him flounder, mind still buzzing over what the man had admitted at breakfast.

“Erwin?” he tried, his husband turning at his call. Levi sent him a stern, empathetic stare—or the best one he could produce. The blond flicked the handle of his suitcase with his thumbs before moving to sit beside him.

“What I said at breakfast . . . ” he started before trailing off. Levi motioned for him to continue. “I don't want you to think I can’t handle my new job. I was scared that if you found out how much I was struggling with Mike, you’d—hell, I don't know.” It wasn't often Erwin cursed, the word foreign off his lips, yet somehow befitting. Levi couldn’t understand his feelings, but it didn’t make them any less real. He’d been worried this entire time over something ridiculous, tortured by a fear that wasn’t possible.

“I wouldn’t think any less of you even if you took a shit on your desk during a session.”

Blue eyes crinkled, Erwin offering a teasing smirk. “Is that a challenge?”

“No,” stated Levi flatly, kissing his lips before leaning back. “You should’ve said something before. I could’ve told you you were being stupid months ago.” Erwin’s head was down, Levi scooping his hand up and kissing the top. “You know?”

“I know you hate me for making this decision.” Erwin was fond of getting into these ruts. He blamed himself for everything, down to Levi getting a stomach ache after certain meals. To make matters worse, Levi almost wondered if he liked that position, that he liked bearing the brunt of whatever problem was at hand. Maybe he thought it best if he take everything on himself, but Levi knew it was suicide. Erwin had reasons for what he did, and they weren’t obsolete just because he hadn’t shared them. Levi scooted further onto the bed, both hands now cradling his husband’s. It hurt to realize how much mental anguish Erwin suffered on his own. Gunmetal eyes closed as he leaned onto the blond’s shoulder. 

“I don’t hate you,” he assured in a low grunt.

Erwin took a steadying breath, let it out slow through his nose. “I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”

“Erwin,” warned Levi, head tilting back to give a stern glare. His husband met it for only a second before returning to the floor. Though it annoyed him to no end, Erwin’s love of blaming himself, Levi refused to snap. Getting angry wouldn’t help either of them or their situation. “We've had a bad year. I’ve known you too long to give up. Besides,” he placed his chin on Erwin’s shoulder, nosed at his ear, “what would you do without me, old man?”

“I’m not sure,” the other agreed with a smile, pecking Levi’s nose. “My bathroom would be the dirtiest bathroom in the world.”

“Ugh,” Levi groaned in disgust, covering Erwin’s mouth, “no more.”

It was sweet. They were sweet.

But soon was Erwin moving away, heading toward his briefcase and slipping out Mike’s files. “Is it okay if I look these over?”

Levi glanced at the vanilla folders, Mike’s sketches already spilling out of the sides. “Is it okay if I help?”

“Help?” His husband sounded discouraged, and his face hardened in confusion. “Help looking these over?”

“I was friends with Mike at one time.” The second half was quickly added. Levi hoped Erwin didn't notice. “I know about him in that sense.”

The blond sat on his knees with the papers in hand, looking at them thoughtfully. Levi knew he didn’t like dragging other people into his business, and apparently thought it made him ‘weak’ somehow. It was a long-shot even asking if he needed help, but eventually he nodded.

“Sure,” agreed Erwin, getting up to spread the drawings out on the table. He explained that the person in question wasn’t particularly top priority. What Levi should be looking for was what the sketches were even of. Erwin almost sheepishly encouraged him to check for more sexual pieces, to which he nodded. He could see Erwin was tired. Levi didn’t need to weigh him down with questions tonight. The drawings were as awful as he remembered. Mike’s penmanship was terrible, and his hand shook with how hard he gripped. The stress showed on the paper, deep, dry depressions scratching out whatever mistakes he thought he made. Most of it was done in graphite, but a quarter was in pen. Levi had trouble trying not to smear anything beyond recognition. The only things he could make out were an eye and a leg, a jumbled mess of what looked to be hair trailing down the left side. Levi tried matching it up with the others, but nothing fit. Glancing to Erwin with a quick comment, Levi realized the man was faltering.

“Go shower,” he encouraged. Erwin perked at his voice. “You’re going to fall asleep on the table if you don’t move.” Apparently too tired to argue, the blond got up and stalked into the bathroom, leaving him alone at the desk. Levi rolled himself over to Erwin’s share of the sketches. Same items mostly, though soon did he come across another patch of hair. Sliding the pages together, nothing came of it. It was still a mess of black and cream, nothing but a jumbled fantasy in Mike’s head. It was surprising to him how much Mike had kept to himself. He’d not spoken of his past wife beyond a few derogatory comments, and the rest was reminiscing of his childhood. He enjoyed joking around for the most part; whatever sexual aggression he might've been swallowing down had gone unnoticed, and it scared Levi. Before he could flip the sketches around a bit, mix and match till the blotch on the left cleared up, Erwin was returning from the shower and telling him to get ready for bed. It was late, and he was tired. The drawings could wait till tomorrow.

His head was a mess of warm fuzz as he bathed. Mike’s sketches etched themselves on the insides of Levis eyelids, and it made sleeping difficult, even with Erwin’s gentle whispers and coos for him to rest.

* * *

Erwin's hand was overlapping his across the table, Levi enjoying the chaste touch as he sipped at his tomato soup. La Madeleine was one of his favorite cafes, and there wasn't a single one back home to speak of. Erwin had urged they go eat after waking up around twelve, and he hadn’t fought him. The last time they'd gotten food had been a day ago, and Levi would admit he was feeling ravenous.

“How’s your soup?”

Levi sucked the tomato off his bottom lip. “Good,” he hummed. Erwin grinned from across the small table. He seemed so much warmer since their talk, as if a weight had been lifted off them both. Levi was amazed at how honesty helped a situation—not that he'd imagined it pointless before. Being honest with Erwin wasn’t the easiest task for him; he couldn’t share the truth even if he wanted to. Erwin would be crushed to hear of his meetings with Mike turned romantic at some point. The guilt anchored his heart down into his stomach each time Levi brought it up. Erwin was so painfully clueless.

“Would you want to go to the park after lunch?” asked Erwin around his sandwich.

“The new one?”

“Mhm. The snow looked pretty driving in. Maybe we can find a dog to pet.”

Levi snorted. “If you want a dog so badly, we should just get one.” Stanley had been his cat, not Erwin’s. It was only fair Erwin got to own the dog he’d dreamed of having for centuries. But the man shook his head in disagreement.

“You don’t like big dogs.”

Kenny had kept two Rottweilers in his childhood. Levi remembered them barking at him from their cages, growling and snarling with what little food they were given. Levi felt anxiety crawling up his legs into his gut.

“Just big dogs, though.”

“I only like big dogs,” laughed Erwin. “I’m always scared I’ll crush the tiny ones.” Levi tried to join in on the joke, but the uneasiness hadn’t passed yet. It was pathetic of him to still be so affected by it all, but dogs and him simply couldn’t mix. The fear was burnt into his subconsciousness, and there was no way to rub it out. Erwin never pushed him to do anything beyond what his senses demanded, though, and Levi silently thanked him for it. He felt his phone vibrate from his back pocket.

“Hello?” he answered after unlocking, Erwin sipping at his soda while watching over the rim.

“Finally answering your damn phone?” Kenny’s voice crackled over the line. Levi’s spoon hit the edge of his bowl before he could stop his hand from twitching. “You with Erwin? Where are you?” His husband eyed him when he stood up and left the table.

Levi retreated to the sidewalk, bit out a curt, “What is it?” before burying his free hand into his jacket.

Kenny coughed loud into his ear. “Sick as a bitch. I need help with your mom. Had a run-in with some guy.”

His hand gripped at his phone harder. “What? When?”

“Last week.”

“And you didn't call me? Because?” spat Levi, people passing him hurriedly to escape whatever trouble he was frothing in. “Is she alright? She’s not hurt, is she?”

“She’s fine. I already found the guy and shoved his shit in for her. Don’t have to worry ‘bout that.” Kenny coughed before clearing his throat. “She wanted me to call you. She wants to see you.” 

Levi wiped his face, idly tugged at his lower lip. Erwin had never met Kenny, not even at their wedding. Kenny hadn’t wanted to participate, so he hadn’t. While his mom was fond of her brother, Levi couldn’t stand him half the time.

“You comin’, or what?”

“Yea,” Levi hissed. “Yea, I’m coming. Is she in the hospital?”

“She’s at home with me. You can bring that dope of a husband with you if you got him in tow.” Kenny hung up before he could defend Erwin, staring ahead at nothing before shoving his phone back into his coat. The stress didn’t seem to lift itself lately. It only became heavier each hour. Dragging his feet back to the table, Erwin leaned in for an answer the moment he sat down.

“Just my uncle being himself. My mother’s hurt and she’s asking to see me.”

Erwin looked puzzled, head cocking to the side, blue eyes flickering between his own. There was a deep shade of worry filling up the hollows behind them.

“Is she alright?”

“She’s fine,” assured Levi, more to himself. “He says it’s nothing bad, but I should go see her. You wouldn’t have to come if it makes you uncomfortable.”

His husband shook his head vigorously. “No!” he blurted. “No, no, not at all. Not a problem.” Levi felt relief wash over him, but it was temporary. First the issue with Mike, and now his mother was doing poorly. While he could bear the pressure on his shoulders, Levi worried for the blond across the table. Erwin never faired well with troubles. He managed them, swallowed his pills without complaining, but he held onto things far too long. The baggage he somehow hid from everyone was almost impressively aged.

“Would you mind if we start packing to leave? He lives here in Steamboat. I can show you the directions off my phone.”

Erwin told him again that everything he needed to do was fine, and that asking wasn't necessary. Levi followed him out of the cafe with what little energy he had left to spend. Packing took it out of him faster than walking, and by the time he found himself in Erwin’s car, he ready to nap. Phone buzzing, Levi tugged it out to check whatever else Kenny had to nag him on. Instead, there was a text, the number unrecognizable.

 _Hey Levi_ , it read. The man crinkled his nose. Whoever texted him was saved in his contacts, and there were few people he actually shared his number with. But the stranger knew his name. Levi presumed he’d deleted whoever it was a while back for lack of contact. It'd happened once or twice before.

 _Hey_ , he answered, hoping the vagueness was noticeable to whoever was messaging him. A minute passed with nothing. _Who is this? Sorry_ , prompted Levi.

_It’s Mike._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally updated! Sorry for the wait. Lots of stress in my daily life. Hopefully you all can forgive that. As always, I love to hear feedback, and thank you for reading!


	6. Dubiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> du·bi·e·ty  
> the state or quality of being doubtful; uncertainty

Kenny had never been a father to him. He had come into his life after his mother’s illness and taken control of the situation. Levi had followed him blindly as any other child would, but there was no love in his respect. There was only fear of punishment, which Kenny found easy to dish out. Even now, sitting around his mother’s kitchen table, was Levi’s skin crawling at the sight of his uncle. Erwin was beside him, hand petting his thigh beneath the table and out of sight. Kenny had already attacked them for touching earlier in the day. For reasons Levi didn’t understand, his uncle rejected Erwin.

Kenny cleared his throat loudly. "Levi, get me some water."

"I'll get it," said Kuchel, but Kenny was quick to cut her off, stating that Levi could do it. Erwin's hand limply slid off his leg as Levi stood, begrudging but obedient. The last thing he wanted was to argue, and he needed a drink, too.

"Thank you for allowing us to stay here, Mrs. Ackerman," explained Erwin, blue eyes crinkling in a smile. Kuchel waved a delicate hand, but her expression showed soft appreciation.

"It's nothing, dear. I'm happy to see you both are doing well. I'm sorry for the sudden notice."

Levi set a glass down beside Kenny's hand. "It's not a problem, mom."

"Yea?" Kenny grunted, glowering hard enough for it to be noticed beneath his black eye. "It's a fuckin' problem." The alcohol on his breath was strong. Levi fretted he'd have an outburst—and in front of Erwin, too.

It was embarrassing to have his husband watch the dynamics of his household. Erwin's family was tight-knit, his brothers and sister all in monthly contact. They were wholesome at the core, but Levi had grown up in negligence and emotional abuse, and it was still evident in the way his uncle carried himself. He was demanding, abrasive, and entitled to respect. While Levi had never met his grandfather, he'd heard the man was worse.

Kuchel sent her brother a sharp stare. "Kenny," she chided. He gave a belligerent grunt.

"Making me fight your pimp—"

"Kenny."

Levi graced Erwin with a glance. His husband had his eyes respectfully on his food, eating as if nothing were happening.

Kenny pushed himself back from the table, chair scraping against the tile. "I'm goin' to bed." Levi couldn't be more thankful watching him slink off down the hallway. Kuchel perked enough to offer them both an apologetic grin, but her shoulders jumped when a door slammed.

"He's," started the woman, "very tired. I'm sorry."

Levi waved a hand, nursing his tea. "It's fine, mom." Erwin agreed hastily, even laughing it off. Kuchel hummed appreciatively, but could not seem to bring herself to laugh with him.

"Erwin," Levi began, "could you start unpacking for me?" It was a hint well received. His husband was gone in seconds, and Levi watched his mother's posture break. Her eyes were red-ringed, sunken into her skull like they had been so many years ago. Levi swore he could count the veins in her cheeks and beneath the skin of her temples. Even from where he sat across the table could he see his mother's lower lip quivering. "Mom—" tried Levi, only to get thin arms wrapping around his neck as Kuchel reached across the table.

"I missed you so much, pookie." 

Dusky hair caught on Levi's lower lip, and he brushed it aside before hugging Kuchel as best he could. Eventually, Levi moved, perching beside his mother and allowing her to cradle him. There was an aggravation in his chest that went ignored. Levi couldn't be angry now; it simply wouldn't come.

"I'm so sorry."

His throat ached. The want to reassure her that everything was fine fought to escape his mouth, but Levi refused it. His mother had fallen back to old addictions and past tendencies.

It made him angry.

It made him furious.

She had sworn to him that part of her life was over, that selling her body was no longer necessary. Kenny had promised to take care of her when he left to live with Erwin, and Levi's trust was—not surprisingly—wasted.

"It's—" Levi sighed through his nose. "It's alright. It's not your fault."

Hands cupped his cheeks, Kuchel's gunmetal eyes catching him. The tightness in her mouth was bold, her sadness tangible. She was challenging him and his forgiveness, and Levi pursed his lips. Looking up, he saw his husband backing out, obviously retreating from the situation. Levi dreaded any questions he would ask later.

"This isn't Kenny's fault."

A bone somewhere in his body shuddered, but Levi didn't speak. His mother tilted her head down momentarily.

"It's not. I know you don't understand, but—"

"What don't I understand?" His voice came out stronger than expected, and Kuchel frowned.

"You don't understand Kenny and what he does for us."

There was gentle condescension in her tone, like that of a loving mother berating a thoughtless child. Levi's stomach coiled tightly in discomfort. Kenny was nothing but an uncle, a man who preferred to keep an emotional distance from everyone. He spoke kindly of no one but himself, and yet held a tight-knit circle of friends while staying connected with his sister. Growing up, Levi had never once received a loving touch from him besides rough head scratches, the well-known phrase, "Good boy," following. Whatever Kuchel believed Kenny did for her most likely spawned from desperation. Her brother could never do anything right. Levi witnessed it firsthand.

"I don't want to talk about this shit right now."

"Don't use those words with me, Leviticus."

Levi soured, having forgotten her distaste for Kenny's and his vulgarity. But he conceded; seeing his mother flustered never made his life easier. Pale fingers traced over teeth marks embedded in Kuchel's neck, and Levi felt the need to vomit.

"Why'd you do this?"

Kuchel's eyes glazed over. There was a pain thundering in their hollows that sent threads through the room. Levi waited for an answer, waited for some sort of explanation or admittance, but his mother said nothing. She dropped her head with a heavy sigh.

"I had no choice. Kenny was gone, and—"

"So it was his fault," Levi interjected, pouncing.

"No, it wasn't Kenny's fault."

"If he'd been here, this wouldn't've happened."

"If Kenny had been here, I would've lost the apartment." Kuchel's voice rose an octave out of frustration. "He was making money for me. For us both."

"Levi?" Levi paused to spot Erwin standing rigidly in the kitchen doorway. His husband cleared his throat, shuffled uncomfortably a foot closer. "I'm sorry. I wasn't sure if you two were done talking. Excuse me—"

"No," mumbled Levi. "No, we're done. It's okay."

The look on his mother's face hammered nails in his palms, and she retreated from the kitchen without another word.

* * *

Erwin didn't speak with Kenny. They never interacted beyond passing eye contact and subtle glowers. For whatever reason—one Levi refused to share—Kenny despised him.

Erwin could see his husband over the open bar, Levi helping his mother cook dinner. Erwin had offered and been politely rejected. Now, he was stuck in the cramped living room with Kenny a breath away from his shoulder.

"So," Kenny's voice scratched, his skin a sickly shade of cream with a layer of feverish sweat. Erwin did his best not to touch him. "You and the big man—how's that going for you?"

Erwin turned his head. "Pardon?"

"Ha, don't gimme that 'pardon' bullshit. You married my nephew; that says a lot. You even curse?"

"I prefer not to. I have my personal issues with it."

Kenny glanced at him with hard, brown eyes. "Yea, you bet it's your issue." He took a thick drag of his cigarette, blowing smoke from his nostrils. "You gonna' answer my question?"

"We're doing well."

Silence lapsed between them, the television too low to act as any protection from Kenny's desire to conversate.

"He can be a real prick, but he's a good guy. Never really expected him to get hitched. He's always been the stupid lone wolf type. Thinks that makes him tough," snorted Kenny. "Guess if I were that small I'd keep away from other guys, too."

"I'd appreciate you not speaking of my husband like that."

Brown pools hooked on him, dug into his face and refused to let go. "Pardon?" mocked Kenny.

Erwin pursed his lips. Levi had specifically warned him of his uncle, and while his patience was relatively high, he could feel licks of frustration on the insides of his cheeks. Kenny took his silence as backing down, smiling smugly.

"Anyways," the man continued, "I'm happy to see him doing better."

Erwin saw Levi coming back around the bar, his face anxiously pinching up when he noticed them talking. "Hey, foods ready."

"About damn time." Kenny didn't waste time shuffling off to find Kuchel, and Levi quickly took his place on the couch beside Erwin.

"Charming family," Erwin chortled under his breath. It was a joke poorly received, his husband's mouth curling down at the edges. The temptation to apologize was modest, and Erwin let it pass. He thought it best to try and show Levi it truly wasn't an issue.

But his husband changed topics quick enough, asking about his paperwork and of Nile. No word of Mike had come in for a day or so; Erwin supposed they were busy searching, and held no desire to interrupt.

"No, he hasn't called me," admitted Erwin. Reaching out, he squeezed the other's shoulder reassuringly. "But we're supposed to keep our distance, remember?"

Levi's eyes were dark. "We're already involved. I want to be kept updated."

"I'll call him when you're through eating."

"Not hungry."

Erwin sighed through his nose, figured it best to call Nile and calm Levi down. He thought it possible that his own lack of concern was causing his husband to try and pick up the slack, though Levi had never been much of a worry-wart. Mike's disappearance had brought unduly apprehension with it. Erwin didn't push for answers; not until the tension was lower.

Beneath his forced placidity, there was still the lingering fear of Levi's relationship with Mike.

"I'm sure he's close. There isn't much around for him to get into. Try not to let it—"

"He's out. How are we supposed to be calm?"

"We have to be, Levi. What's the use of panicking?"

Levi visibly tensed, back straightening. "I'm not panicking," he corrected him, tongue lashing. The muffled sound of Levi's phone vibrating brought with it pause. Erwin watched his husband reach back into his pocket, but he didn't check the screen.

"Who's that?"

"I'll check later," said Levi. "We're talking right now."

A bone in Erwin's body demanded he stop. Levi was already stressed over the physical frailty of his mother—someone his husband loved dearly beyond words. Levi was loyal to her, and even though he didn't admit it, he was loyal to Kenny, too. Both were sickly. Erwin couldn't begin to imagine the sort of stress the other man was under. Reaching out, he pulled Levi into a hug and kissed his forehead. He didn't say anything. Neither of them did. The act in itself spoke on Erwin's behalf.

Eventually, he felt Levi's smaller hands patting his back. "Thanks," he said after pulling away.

Erwin smiled. "No problem."

* * *

Mike wouldn't stop messaging him. No matter the silence Levi curtained between them, he remained dogmatic. He could see his screen dimly lighting up on the dresser. Erwin's back was to his, and his snoring covered any vibrations from his phone. It felt wrong leaving him out so fiercely, but Erwin and he were doing better. Now that Levi knew his husband fretted his judgment, a sense of peace filled his lower stomach. It was endearing, to say the least, Erwin's worrying. Levi scooted back to get closer to him.

His screen lit up again, a call this time. He shut his eyes against the temptation to answer. He knew what Mike would ask of him.

_Come with me._

It was a choice Levi would never admit to desiring at one time. He couldn't abandon Erwin like that, no matter how attached he became to Mike. Mike was dangerous. His mental health was deteriorating each day his medication went ignored, and soon enough he'd be hopeless. Levi felt pain at the image; Mike didn't deserve that sort of punishment.

A loud hacking from the other room caught his attention, Kenny having a fit on the couch. That, too, he attempted to ignore, but as it went on Levi couldn't deny the pull to make sure things were fine. Slipping from beneath the sheets, Levi padded down the carpeted hallway toward the living room. Tissues and cigarettes littered the floor beside his uncle, and Kenny added more to the pile as he closed in.

"Smoking isn't going to help much," murmured Levi. Even in the darkness could he make out Kenny's dismal glower.

"What you want, brat."

"For you to shut up so I can sleep. I can hear you in our room. Put the smokes away till morning."

His addiction had blatantly worsened, and Levi didn't have to wonder why. Kenny wasn't so heartless as to ignore the plights of his sister. In fact, he took them on to his own shoulders, Levi being one of them.

"I'd figured with your head shoved up your ass, it wouldn't be a problem."

Levi pursed his lips, unamused. "What do you mean?"

"I saw her crying, ya' lil' prick. Why'd you say that to her?"

Of course. Kenny always went and sniffed out whoever hurt his sister.

"I didn't say anything to her that she wouldn't've expected."

Sitting up, Kenny reached out to grab a fistful of Levi's nightshirt, pulling him in forcefully.

"Look, kiddo, Kuchel's been through enough. Leave her alone."

"Let go of me."

"You gonna' behave?" Kenny hummed, tilted his head back for emphasis.

Levi gave a crude snort, visceral disgust crossing his features. While Kenny wasn't his father and never would be, he could still bring out the insignificant parts in him that desired parental attention. Eventually, the man let him go, grumbling about his attitude and how much of a pain it was. For a moment, Levi simply watched as he rolled onto his side.

"Kenny?"

His uncle made a low, questioning noise.

"Thanks."

It was clear by Kenny's silence that he wasn't sure how to respond. Before Levi could wander back to Erwin, he heard a gruff, "Yea," from the couch.

* * *

"We'll never get there if you keep fixing your hair, Erwin."

"I know," Erwin answered, leaning over the sink and parting his hair for the third time. "Just give me a minute." His husband let out an aggravated puff of air, slipping out back down the hallway. Erwin wasn't sure if they'd have much to talk about going out together, but it was worth the risk. Levi needed a break. He could tell. The way he slept at night—balled up, sweaty, a pile of nerves Erwin feared to touch—said enough on its own.

When his hair rejected him for the hundredth time, he gave up. It wasn't like anyone knew him here. Erwin tried not to fret over it. Passing by the nightstand, he noticed Levi's phone. He must've forgotten it while talking to his mother, but it didn't matter. Levi hardly used his phone. Only recently had he kept it close by, either clutched in his hand or shoved in his back pocket. It was different, but nothing Erwin feared. He took a step, but glanced back down toward the black screen.

Levi had never seemed like the sort of person to cheat. He was loyal to a fault, and he kept only a small circle of contacts to begin with. Erwin had only managed to convince him to move because there were no friends to say otherwise. Levi was a singular entity, for the most part, and he functioned on a small plateau he kept isolated from the world. Erwin wished Levi would've brought him closer, but he, too, felt pushed back.

He reached out before he thought better of it. Levi's screen lit up, a picture of Stanley set as his lock screen. There were no messages. Erwin stared pensively, but thought better than to check further.

"Erwin." Said man flipped his head around to see Levi hanging in the doorway. His husband gave a crooked smirk, the most show of excitement he'd express. "Come on."

Erwin felt his stomach knot. "Alright, alright."

Out of the corner of his vision, Levi's phone lit up. There was no time to check; Erwin followed Levi down the hall and outside. Whatever anxiety he felt before was soon kissed away inside their car, and the heat of Levi's lips kept the snow from bothering him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really not sure about this chapter; I might actually throw it out and rewrite it entirely. Sorry about the delay, of course! Things are going to get heavy soon enough. Feedback is always great.


	7. Perfidy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Per·fi·dy  
> deceitfulness; untrustworthiness

The bite of betrayal followed him the next day like an old sore, Levi slinking through his mother’s apartment in a constant state of agitation. Erwin could do nothing to calm his nerves. Even when full, soft lips pressed over the pulse in his neck, Levi recoiled, a snake ready to strike out at his husband’s loving notion.

“I’m sorry, Lee,” Erwin gently apologized, retrieving his hands from Levi’s hips.

Levi frowned, remorse temporarily throbbing at the back of his throat. “It’s fine.”

Kenny had always been able to drag him into depths of indignation. Even as a child would he be taunted and hassled until bursting, and then Kenny would bully him some more. He loved seeing him frustrated. Kenny was sick like that. Erwin was better off not knowing the true depth of the relationship with his uncle; a rugged underbelly covered in emotional trauma and craggy, tactless communication. For some reason, it was embarrassing for Levi to admit he didn’t have a dad. Erwin’s love for his father made him shrink back uncomfortably.

“Nile called.” Erwin interrupted his thoughts with a ginger pat on his thigh. “They said it probably won't be long before we can head back home.”

Levi fiddled with the hem of his sweater. He had been enjoying the freedom that came with Steamboat. The town was so close by, unlike back at the asylum. There were people everywhere, and lights, and restaurants, and the drone that came with cities, and it was all so calming. The thought of leaving somehow made him sad.

“But we don’t have to leave until you fix things with your mother and uncle.”

Of course Erwin could see his uncertainty, thought Levi idly. “It’s fine. I know you have work to finish.”

“Family comes before work, Lee,” assured Erwin, hand petting at his thigh now. Levi allowed it without getting snippy. “I want your mother and uncle to get better before we go back home too.”

“Yeah,” Levi said in a dreary voice. “Well, Kenny isn’t making that easy.”

Erwin rolled onto his stomach and folded his hands beneath his chin. “May I ask how so?”

Levi shot the man a teasing look, but decided it fine to open up. “He won’t stop smoking, no matter how much I tell him to stop. I know he’s addicted, but still. He’s coughing up a fuckin’ lung every other minute. You’d think he’d drop them by now. And the more he smokes, the more my mom’s allergies get worse—and she’s already in bad shape to begin with. It’s just,” Levi took in a hefty breath, “irritating.”

“I see,” Erwin hummed.

“What am I? Your patient? You can have an opinion, you know.”

His husband smirked, blue eyes down on the bedspread. “He’s being selfish, but I imagined that’s nothing new.”

“It’s not. It still bugs the fuck out of me.”

“Understandably. You care a lot for Kuchel.”

“And she’s not even doing what she’s supposed to be doing,” started Levi again as he leaned against the headboard. “She’s off trying to make money by herself when Kenny _promised_ to cover it. He told me he would. He _promised_.”

Erwin was unusually silent in regards to his mother’s practices, obviously unsure what to make of them. Prostitution was probably a farfetched idea in his mind. But Levi, who had viewed brothels as daycares from a young age, was quite acquainted with the thought and felt entirely self-assured that he was able to express his distaste without hesitation.

“She doesn’t need to be doing this at her age. She’s liable to get hurt—and she did get hurt—”

“Does she know anything else?” interrupted Erwin.

Levi grunted a curt, “What do you mean?” He didn’t like when Erwin cut in so quickly. It was a sign he understood what was going on already before Levi even had a chance.

“I mean, maybe she’s doing this because it’s all she knows.” It was quiet for a moment before Erwin added a quick, “Just a thought.”

Levi suddenly found relief in his husband’s manners. He wasn’t sure how he'd feel if he thought Erwin were judging him—and it’d be so easy for him to.

“I don’t know.”

Erwin scooted across the bed to find Levi’s leg, lovingly rubbing his cheek against it. He didn’t say anything more, just allowed him to think in peace. Levi reached down to run his fingers through Erwin’s soft hair.

“My sister sells cocaine at her college.”

Levi didn’t know how to respond, staring at the roof with dark eyes. Erwin’s sister was still a stranger to him and the news of her selling drugs came as a surprise. His family had always appeared perfect in every way; it was comforting to hear of Erwin’s sister’s flaws.

“She admitted it to me last year. I haven’t been able to talk with her since.”

“Why not?”

Erwin shrugged. “I don’t know. It really upset me at the time.”

Beneath his relief, Levi felt a tinge of hurt knowing his husband had been struggling unbeknownst to him. He hadn’t noticed a thing and Erwin hadn’t uttered a word of it. Not that Levi had much to complain over; he hadn’t shared anything concerning Mike with Erwin just yet. He probably never would. The man would be heartbroken and Levi couldn’t handle that.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. You were having trouble with the move and I didn’t want to put stress on top of that.”

Levi brushed off the apology, lightly scratching Erwin’s head as if to assure him things were fine.

“You know I love you, don’t you?”

“Of course,” answered Levi.

Erwin kissed his thigh with a low hum. His breath could be felt through the fabric of his underwear.

* * *

The supermarket was cramped with tourists, Levi wandering from aisle to aisle in an effort to find some soup. Kenny and Kuchel needed something to soothe their throats and he’d taken it on himself to correct the problem. But now that he’d left the house, Levi ached to return home. Erwin wasn’t there to assuage his paranoia. Every time he rounded a corner he swore he saw Mike’s face, those green eyes piercing him like a predator. He’d turned his phone off in an attempt to escape the man’s badgering, but Levi still heard him. Flashes of his texts crossed his mind every now and then, prowling the rim of his consciousness and flagging down his attention when he least expected it.

He wasn’t here, though. Mike was long gone; perhaps dead, or lost, and far, far away. Levi reminded himself that Nile would call Erwin if anything were to come up, though they hadn't heard from him in a day or two. Levi was beginning to grow antsy. Erwin endeavored to soothe his frayed nerves with his own placidity, but it did nothing for him. Levi knew Mike was looking for him. It felt as if everyone knew besides Erwin. That, or his husband was denying it at all costs.

Rounding another aisle, gunmetal eyes searched through the four people lingering near the far side of the store. A group of teenagers, it seemed, with a parent in tow. Levi felt his heart begin to beat once more, having leapt into his throat just seconds ago.

“Hey.”

His chest constricted, a coffin suddenly nailed shut. Levi’s fingers clenched around the basket handle. A tall figure came up beside him, dressed in a heavy coat and hat. Even beneath the lip of his cap could Levi make out daunting, green eyes. Mike stared at him with an almost visceral excitement, mouth quirking into a wide smile. His hair had grown back out since his disappearance, scruff lining his strong jaw. He smelled heavily of cologne, enough so to burn Levi’s nostrils.

“I thought you’d be here,” the man chuckled in his low voice. Levi swallowed thickly, unsure of what to do. Mike’s face dropped into uncertainty. “What’s the matter?”

The words Levi formed refused to escape his mouth, tongue becoming lead and teeth locking shut. He silently pleaded for Erwin to show up, but it was impossible. He was alone here; no one was around for Levi to reach out to. Somehow, he felt as if he were ensnared.

Mike’s heavy hand reached out to thumb over his pale cheek. “Don’t worry. I know Erwin isn’t around.” The blond’s countenance changed and his shoulders squared. The grin he had worn previously thinned out to a bitter line. “Why haven’t you been answering me?”

It was a demand, an order meant to be obeyed. Levi recalled the crude sketches Erwin had shown him days before, drawings Mike had made in his room. Threads of thunder split up his spine, and Levi turned to fully face Mike.

“How did you get out?”

“Oh,” purred Mike, smile returning. “It’s a pretty good story, but it’d be no fun telling it here.”

“I’m not going anywhere with you.”

The air became thick and difficult to take in. Whether or not it was his own nervousness, Levi couldn’t tell. Mike went mute at his refusal, but his head tilted back aggressively, challengingly. He’d never seen the other when he became angry. Sure, Levi had heard of Mike’s fighting, had seen the aftermath and the punishments, but never had he been on the receiving end of things. He felt safe in the knowledge that they were in public and Mike had to act accordingly.

“I miss you,” Mike finally admitted, gaze hardening. “I haven’t had anyone to talk to in a while. It’s lonesome out here.”

Levi moved further down the aisle and trained his attention elsewhere. “Don’t try guilting me.”

“I’m not guilting you,” tried Mike, keeping a dog-trot behind him. His presence was heavy on Levi’s back. “Why are you avoiding me? What did I do?”

Turning on his heel, Levi shot a glower up at Mike. “We can’t be talking like this. Do you know how much trouble you’re in? When they find you, you’re dead meat.”

“They won’t find me. You won’t tell them where I am, will you?”

Levi didn’t respond. Mike was right; he wouldn’t say a thing about this to anyone. If it were out of courtesy for Mike’s safety or respect for his marriage was debatable. Either way, this interaction would fade into nothing, just as every other encounter with Mike did, and Levi would pretend his relationship with Erwin was healing. The fact that Mike knew that only made Levi indignant, and he flipped his head away from the blond and back toward the aisle of soup cans. He could hear the man chuckle behind him. Fingers wrapped around his bicep and Levi was gently tugged back to face Mike. Before he could react, Levi felt the man kiss him. Mike’s breath was hot over his mouth, teeth nipping at the soft plush of his lower lip. He didn’t move. Mike leaned in closer, taking Levi’s lack of response as an opening for more. Neck popping with the force, Levi broke contact and hurried down the aisle. Mike didn’t follow him.

Levi spent the walk home in silent panic, wiping his mouth on his sleeve over and over. While he wouldn’t admit it, the tang of mint left on the inside of his mouth sent unwanted shivers up his arms.

* * *

Erwin wasn’t the sort to curse. He was too poised and collected, too controlled and levelheaded. He said cursing was a loss of power, and so looked down on Levi’s foul mouth. While it didn’t perturb Levi in the slightest, it was still an odd sort of dynamic between the two of them. Even when Erwin would come home from work in a tizzy would he refrain from speaking poorly of his boss and colleagues. Levi didn’t follow those rules. Erwin didn’t try to stop him.

His husband was standing at the foot of their bed with his hand clutched around his phone in such a way that Levi almost thought him pained. “Damn it,” Erwin hissed. “Damn it.” It was frightfully abnormal to hear vulgarity leaking between Erwin’s lips; if anything were to best signify Erwin’s mood, it was his frequency to cuss. From his perch on the edge of their bed, Levi could hear the audible drone of his husband’s vibrating phone.

“What’s the matter? Is it Nile?” A flurry of anxiety burst within the confinements of his chest. His brush with Mike only a few hours ago still weighed heavy on him.

But Erwin shook his head and slid his thumb across the screen. Levi listened to Erwin greet whoever it was calling him as he slid outside into the hall, making sure to shut the door behind him. Odd, Levi pondered to himself, but eventually felt his swelling tension fade as the minutes passed. Erwin wouldn’t keep secrets from him concerning Mike. He couldn’t; Levi was too closely intertwined into the ongoings of the issue at hand. It’d do them no good to keep secrets. Sullenly, Levi realized he wasn’t truly helping with that.

Erwin didn’t return after ten minutes, or twenty minutes, or thirty. It was as if he disappeared, his low voice no longer rumbling from outside the door. Levi, restless, rolled himself out of bed and slipped his sweatpants on. Erwin was no longer in the hallway. Frowning, Levi wandered about shortly before catching sight of his husband in the parking lot, barefoot. His arm was crossed tight across the front of his chest and his phone was pressed tight to his ear. He looked exasperated, the creases forming on his forehead only adding to his stressful countenance. Levi lightly opened the front door to try and persuade his husband to come back inside.

“Because I can’t,” snapped Erwin. He didn’t notice Levi peering out between the crack, the blond pacing and rocking, acting all sorts of tense. “I’m _married_ , Marie.”

The name struck a chord somewhere in Levi’s head. Marie, Erwin’s past lover and partner, a woman Levi had met only once or twice in his life. He disliked her with a passion only deepened by jealousy. As far as he’d known, Marie hadn’t been anything but a memory since their marriage. The man’s lips thinned as he watched Erwin struggle to interrupt Marie, cutting off every other moment.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t. I’m in Steamboat visiting Levi’s mother right now.”

“Erwin.”

His husband jerked around to meet his gaze, blue eyes wide and mouth slightly ajar. Levi grimaced.

“I have to go,” said Erwin before hanging up, not bothering to hear an answer. The man began to make his way toward Levi. “Levi—”

“Marie?” Levi questioned poisonously. He was hanging between anger and confusion, unsure which way to go. Erwin wasn’t the sort to do things behind his back, and certainly not things with Marie.

Erwin raised his hands in halfhearted surrender. “I had no idea she would be calling me. I promise I haven’t a clue why she’s—”

“What did she want?”

His husband deflated. Levi knew Erwin was aware of his disdain for Marie. He was also aware of the fact Levi preferred he not speak to her, even if she were married to Nile. At times, Levi felt he couldn’t escape her no matter what he did, but not until now had he consciously fretted over her involvement. For a while, Levi had been blissfully ignorant of Marie’s whereabouts.

“She’s worried about us,” Erwin explained. “She’s worried about you.”

“Bullshit,” huffed Levi. “She doesn’t care about me. Why was she wanting you?”

“She does care about you. And she only wanted to talk and see how things were going. Nile hasn’t told her much.”

“He shouldn’t. She’s not involved.”

“Levi, please. Don’t get upset over this.”

Levi knew he was being overbearing. He knew this was uncommon for Erwin and that his husband was doing nothing on the sidelines. He knew the only person between them that was lying was himself, but Levi couldn’t contain it. What if Erwin had been aware all along? What if he’d felt the same way and ran back to Marie? A rock formed at the back of his throat and gravel found its way into his joints. When Erwin brought him into a hug, Levi could feel it scratching his marrow.

“She knows that Mike escaped. She just wanted to know we’re okay.”

“You said that already.”

“I’m worried you didn’t hear me.”

Levi couldn’t understand the anger he felt, and he had no clue where to put it. Erwin didn’t mean harm to him, but it hurt. It hurt terribly to hear Marie’s name on his lips, a javelin spearing him in one ear and out the other. If Erwin were to leave him, Levi didn’t know how he’d cope, and suddenly that threat felt horribly tangible.

“Levi—”

Levi waved a hand dismissively. “It’s fine,” he assured Erwin. “It’s fine.” But it wasn’t.

* * *

Levi leaned back in his iron chair, the sun only managing to break through the bloated, grey clouds enough to make his eyes squint. The shop was warm and smelt of cigarette smoke. It was a familiar scent, something Levi found more soothing than repulsive. His mom had smoked around him as a child. There were fond memories hidden in the ashen taste lining the insides of his lungs. Levi inhaled deep.

Erwin refused to stop messaging him, asking where he was and if he were alright. There was a sour misery that overcame Levi every time his husband’s name lit up his phone. Erwin was probably worried sick. Perhaps he was being childish with his silence, thought Levi. Erwin always encouraged confrontation when it was necessary.

And yet, Levi couldn’t forget the days spent alone at home on their couch. He hadn’t been there for him since getting that damn position. Even with the small steps of progress they’d made, Levi felt as if there were a trench between them. Erwin existed miles away from him despite being within touch, and Levi was growing tired of pretending things were okay.

A flash of blond caught his attention in his peripheral vision, green eyes framed by dark lashes hooking deep into his flesh.

“Hey,” Mike crooned as he took a seat beside him.

Levi’s lips quirked into a weak smile. “Hey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter I'm iffy on. May redo it later. Thank you for the patience and continued support. Comments and kudos are always encouraged.

**Author's Note:**

> This is heavily based off the movie Asylum. If you don't like spoilers, I advise you not look it up. There are going to be differences; it's not literally written off the script.  
> There is going to be triggering content, but I have committed myself to respecting each and every one as best I can. I respect every issue I write on; by no means am I simplifying/sexualizing the topics at hand.  
> I write sporadically. Chapters won't be consistent time-wise, and I apologize for that.


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